Reading Tori's messages with a clear mind, Lauren was overcome with remorse. Camila was telling the truth. She always had been.
Tori had given her the entire spiel. That included background information about Camila's previous relationships with all of her so-called enemies, Camila's true character, and the way Tori had been around and heard everyone's perspective of it throughout their initial discussions regarding the plan. Tori explained how before this, Camila was undoubtedly the one Coach Sylvester showed favoritism to, how Vanessa had always been jealous and mean-spirited when it came to Camila, and how Dinah and Camila were actually once friends. She filled her in on the fallout that gave Dinah the inclination to take Vanessa's side, and it matched exactly what Camila had vented to her about that day in the gym. That was true. She also mentioned how Camila talked it over with Dinah and Ava in the beginning of the tournament at breakfast and how Dinah was actually the one to agree wholeheartedly. It coincided with Lauren's memory of what Camila said, about her potentially doing it to Normani - that was true, too. Every little thing Tori was saying lined up with Camila's desperate confessions.
Tori's messages were lengthy and extremely detailed, just to discourage any more ambiguity. Lauren kept looking for ways to make her misconception and reaction less detrimental, but there were no excuses for the way she behaved. She was disgusting to Camila - so mean, so incapable of simple understanding. To make the situation at least ten times worse, Camila had been telling the truth. Everything matched Camila's story. Every damn thing.
At first, she wanted to question everything Tori was saying. She challenged why she was even messaging her, and when Tori explained, she got defensive and claimed that Camila had probably put her up to it. That didn't amount to much at all. Lauren was searching for anything to discredit Tori's elaboration. She almost needed something to invalidate what she was saying, because she didn't want to accept the harsh way she'd treated Camila based on those false inferences.
Tori went on to say how atrociously Camila was coping with it, and it was marginally comforting for Lauren to be aware of it. This entire time, she'd figured she was just overreacting. She thought maybe being without Camila wasn't really that serious, that she shouldn't have meant that much to her anyway. She thought being so distraught about it and detached from everyone else was a stupid way to react, because Camila was probably getting along without her just fine. That wasn't the case, apparently. Camila was just as bad off as she was. It made her feel shit for inflicting that on her, but better because they were going through the same things.
Lauren had already closed herself off from everyone since they'd been back on campus. so when those guilty tears began to streak her face, she had no motive to wipe them. She hadn't cried over Camila in a few days now, but here she was again. This time, it was so much worse. She cried over what they had and lost often. She cried over the guilt from unintentionally breaking her ribs. She'd cried over missing her a lot. But nothing felt like this. Breaking her ribs almost rivaled it, but this was definitely worse. It was horrible.
She felt like such a hypocrite. Capitalizing on trust and being so vocal about it made her feel so stupid for not being able to employ it. She didn't show her trust. She didn't even give her the chance. She was jumping to conclusions and being irrational. She was being impulsive and rude. Camila probably despised her for it. Part of her wanted to apologize, but she was afraid. Camila was mistreated so badly on her end. Lauren wasn't much better than her vile teammates. They were all in the same sinking boat. Lauren told Camila that she was special, then treated her just like everyone else. She left her just like everyone else. She hurt her just like everyone else.
Refusing to apologize would only make her a coward, though. Lauren wouldn't have that. It would drive her crazy if she just opted out of doing it. Camila knew she was sorry for injuring her, but not for this. That was grounds to send her a message, right? Or to initiate a call? Even so, Lauren didn't know what she would say. And what if Camila ignored her like she did when Camila had tried to do the same thing? All of her mistakes were being reflected back on her now. God, was this how Camila felt? Lauren felt even more miserable for giving her this kind of emotional distress and confusion. Deciphering everything she wanted to say and putting it into an acceptable apology would take too much. There was a high chance she would be ignored, anyway.
