Imperfect Triangle

Chapter 17

It sucks. It's the worst to have groups of clowns coming in and out and they investigate the shop like it isn't worth a penny. Come on, it's a lovely shop. The location is good. We re-painted the walls just last year. But all those potential buyers think they are already doing us a big favor with paying Grandma so little.

I can no longer lay my eyes on every piece of furniture. The tables, the wooden chairs and the steel pots that I spent hours to scratch the stain off. I can't believe this is all going to be over. No more Ying-ki, no more herbal tea, and no more Grandma nagging me. The shop is all my life for the past few years and it will be gone very soon.

A fresh start is what I need. I've thought about going back to school. I have even thought about taking Amanda's money because I need a new apartment. Whenever I'm bothered by these troubling thoughts, I go to the park where my swing is.

"Hey, my baby."

I look up and Ma is here! I know she's visiting to sign the paper for selling the shop but I haven't seen her for too long that I don't even know how to greet. I just stand there and let the tears sting my eyes. She steps closer and pulls me into a tight warm hug.

"I'm sorry, Xue. It's going to be okay."

I miss her voice. It's better than that from the phone. And her smell, all motherly and comforting. That's why I cry even harder, like a little girl who has lost her way.

"I'm so afraid, Ma," I say with every kind of human liquid falling on her shoulder. "I don't want to be all by myself again."

It took a few minutes for me to calm myself. As I'm done crying, Ma and I sit on the bench and talk.

"I thought you have a boyfriend now."

"No. Grandma has misunderstood. Toshio and I are not together."

"Please tell me you're over Jin. It's been too long already."

"Ma!" Of course, she knew how I have loved Jin. Everyone knows. "I just...I'm working on it. I don't want to be the girl who refuses to take the hint. Actually, it's not a hint anymore. Your son made it super clear that there's nothing between us. Never."

"You know he cares about you. Maybe even too much to treat you someone other than his sister. You will thank him for that later. Family is a more profound connection than romance."

I agree reluctantly. She's right. Ma, Jin and Grandma are the only families I've got. Why would I want to ruin it with my stupid feelings. If I had the courage to discuss it with her earlier, maybe things would have turned out quite the opposite. At least I wouldn't have allowed myself sinking deeper and deeper into this mess.

"Now tell me about this Toshio or whatever his name is. I think it's a more important issue right now."

"I think me moving out is a more important issue."

"Well. That too. But Grandma has told me so much about this guy. I really want to know the first-hand information from you."

I could feel my face getting warmer. "What did Grandma tell you?"

"I believe the exact wordings were that you are much smarter than me to pick someone noble."

"I'm not going for his money. Trust me. I never expect someone like him to like me. Or even just to talk to me."

"He's not tricking you or pressuring you into anything, did he?"

"No. He's really sweet and thoughtful. And kind. Almost too perfect to be true."

"Oh. Xue. Do you really know him? If he's really that perfect, I have a hard time to believe he just drops from heaven."

"That's exactly why I haven't been really opened up to him. I guess deep down I still don't trust him. Nor I know anything about him. He's a mystery. I never heard of his family and we are from so different circles."

"Okay. That's good. You have to think carefully before jumping into anything serious."

"Really? It's quite ironic coming from you."

"I know I didn't set up a nice example for you but..."

"I'm kidding," I interrupt her with a smile, "How's your husband by the way? Ugh...Uncle Zhang-qi? Should I call him that?"

"He is great. When I told him about Grandma's condition, he immediately agreed to let me take care of her."

"What condition? Grandma didn't say a word to me. It's dementia, isn't?"

The way she nods and casts her eyes down crushes me. I knew it. Grandma wouldn't have closed down the shop if she's healthy. But dementia? It's too much...

"Does it mean she will forget me soon?"

"We don't know. I will take her to the doctor again tomorrow. I bet there is medication to slow down the deterioration. Don't let it worry you Xue. You have plenty of things going on in your life already."

"How could I not worry? She means so much to me."

Ma leans to me and rubs my shoulder. I listen to her sob and realize it must be harder for her to take. She is guilty for leaving us behind with her new husband.

"So...have you told Jin about it?" I ask.

"No, I haven't spoken to him yet. I haven't met him since March."

"March? You came before? or did he go to Macao? How come I didn't know about it?"

She looks away with hesitation shown in the corner of her eyes and annoyance starts to pile up in my chest.

"What?" I push her, not too hard of course.

"He called me so I came. I didn't tell you because I left right after we met."

"Why did he call you then?"

"He...oh boy...he wouldn't be happy if I told you. Okay, so he had borrowed some money from us."

"When? For my tuition fee?" Jin said he would never borrow money from Ma or her husband.

"No. After that. He got into some troubles and needed some money."

"Oh. Last year. After he was beaten up bad."

She nods and continues, "Then months ago he called and said he could pay us back. I had to run some errands here anyway so I came."

"How much was it? And where did the money come from?"

"It's not a crazy figure. I'd asked but he refused to tell me anything. Some woman lent it to him."

"A woman? There was a woman? He has a girlfriend?"

"I don't know. I followed him after he left, to make sure he wasn't socializing with the wrong people. Then I saw a woman waiting for him in a car. I remember because that car was very...eye-catching."

"An orange Porsche," I mutter.

Jin was with Amanda, or maybe still is. Then everything seems to make perfect sense now. No, actually it doesn't. It doesn't make any sense how every coincidence seems to be mocking me if I place them together.

Screw Amanda. How dare she came to me and offered me money? How dare that she befriended me? What was in her mind? I can't think straight anymore. I guess I'm angry as much as I'm confused.

I don't remember how I got home. I don't even remember how the week went. Everything was a blur. I remember crying and trying my best not to go confronting Amanda at her office. Then I decided I shouldn't waste my time on her or Jin. Grandma is sick and she's leaving for Macao soon, I should be paying my attention to her instead.

That was when I decided to quit my job. I'm done, with everything.

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This is just a draft. I write it in a rush before everything slip away. It's long over-due. I decided to stop bothering with grammar and stuff but to just push the story out of my brain first. I want to finish it. 

So...readers please come back? lol I miss you all.

bythec (15/9/2016)