Killafornia

XIV.

Killafornia

Vanity 

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I had too many emotions running through me, all these thoughts of what the future would hold. I was even thinking about what the gender was, I would love for a little boy but at the same time a little girl would be just as precious- I've haven't flourished with this many positive thoughts since I was a child, a smile was stained on my face to the point where my cheeks hurt. Looking over to my left, CJ laid there completely asleep as if no one could bother him and his dreams. His soft snores filled the room and I watched his chest move up and down slowly as he breathed. I wanted to wake him up to share my thoughts but I figured I'd just wait so I didn't upset him. 

I found myself constantly pulling up my shirt to see if my stomach would grow but where there was no noticeable sign, I'd put the shirt back down and do the whole process over after about an hour of waiting. I feel like I shouldn't be this happy about a baby while I'm still this young and not even out on my own. Maybe because it brought back my memories of Joy back at the place I was checked into. 

"What are you-" His voice scared every last bit of my soul out of my body and I ended up jumping right off the bed. -doin' up...Vanity are you okay?" He asked sitting up to look over the edge and I was holding my chest as my heart pounded against my hand. I got up and crawled into the bed, reaching over to the lamp to turn it on. 

"I'm fine but you just scared the hell out of me. I thought you were going to be asleep for a least a couple more hours." I said as I his arm since he was blatantly laughing at me. "It's not funny, you know how easy it is to scare me. You could have at least stirred around or something before talking." I snapped back at him as his laughter began to die down.  

"You were movin' around a lot, chill out." He sat up completely and let out a yawn. I saw the stubble on his face proving how long he's gone without keeping up on it. I liked the extra stubble and even his hair looked like it had grown out... I kind of wanted to run my hands through it to feel how soft it was. "How long you been awake?"

"I haven't slept at all. I just couldn't lay down and go to sleep." 

"I can tell you're very happy with the news. You're putting the cheshire cat to shame." 

"Can't help it, I'm anxious in a good way." 

"I'm glad this is keeping your mind busy with somethin' positive. Just so you know, I'm always here for you. Even if I get mad at you for whatever reason, I got you. You do understand that once this baby is here, our lives are gonna change a lot, right? I don't want you stuck in some fantasy world like what you read in books or see in movies." He said eyeing me with a more serious look. 

"I know-"

"Do you really? This isn't like gettin' a kitten or a puppy, this a baby. I don't wanna hear you say you're regrettin' the baby when you start losin' sleep or if the baby is stressin' you out. I think, just so we're both on the same page, we go through our options with this situation." He said. 

"What do you mean by go through our options?" Oh no, don't tell me he's hinting what I think he is... my heart is already preparing to drop down to my stomach. 

"We got three options; Keep the baby, adoption or abortion. I'm gonna say this straight up, no adoption. Not gonna bring in a baby and put him or her right to the system." I nodded in agreement. "With the other two options, since you're the one who has to physically go through this, I'm gonna support you with whatever you decide." 

"Well what do you want to do-"

"It doesn't matter what I say in the long run. No law that says you need me to sign a waver for you to go through with an abortion. I don't agree with gettin' one but because of your mental state, if you feel like a baby is gonna do you more damage than you can handle, I'll still love you the same if you terminate-"