Killafornia

XVII.

Killafornia

Vanity

After the session, I walked out feeling like I did every other time. A smile on my face but a deeper understanding of an underlying issue. The interesting thing that I find about these sessions is she pulls back these thick layers of emotions- like an onion. Revealing a new emotion that goes along with another memory. She pointed out that in all my situations, all throughout my life, I've always latched onto someone and they became my go-to safety blanket. As a child, I latched onto Dad, then as a teenager I latched onto Mickey, in the sex trade I was latched onto Marquis but mainly Chastity and now I'm hooked on CJ. There's never been a point in time where I was just on my own and didn't need to have that crutch. I keep thinking this over and it's true, she was spot on and she didn't even need to know all the details in the memories I shared with her.

Either way, I love these sessions and I think it would do good for Imani and CJ to go to one, let out their feelings and dig deep into the emotions they have towards each other- oh my God, look at me all on this kick. Thinking everyone and their problems can be solved with the solution of a therapist. I need to stop because a therapist isn't the answer to everything, they just help get you closer to finding your answer.

Chastity had dropped me off at the house so I could unwind by taking a bath and having a mini spa night while she went out to a bar to get some drinks, since I told her CJ and I were looking forward to doing something tonight. I walked the hall and saw CJ looked comfortable in his deep sleep when I entered the room. His fan was on the lowest speed, not a shirt to cover him and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to the sight of him like that. I wanted to crawl on his back and lay there till he woke up but his sleep is more important. I stripped out of my clothes and put on my robe before leaving the room to go to the bathroom, starting up the tub to soak in the bath.

Originally I wanted to go out to dinner and maybe a movie with CJ but it can wait till tomorrow or something. Laying here in the warm lavender scented water, my mind began to flourish with the thoughts I loved the most. I was wondering if it was going to be a boy or a girl? What name to choose? What middle name? Just things like that to take me away into a different world. The moment I'm told I get to find out the gender, I'm all for it. I can't handle going the entire pregnancy not knowing, I'm only eight weeks in now and it's driving me up the walls. Isn't there some old technique involving a string that can determine the gender? Or is that just an old wives tale? I'll have to get Chastity to help me find out about this technique so we can give it a try.

When the water started to become too cold for me, I pulled the plug to the drain and stepped out of the tub onto the fluffy mat that was right outside the tub. I'm not one to take a bath too often, just the idea of letting myself soak in water didn't sit well but I felt so relaxed and my skin was really soft, I couldn't stop rubbing my arm. Opening the door, all the steam that was held inside went rushing out and getting a deep inhale of the cool air was relief to my lungs. CJ's door was open which should mean he's in the kitchen. I walked off to his room and dried myself, only to be distracted by the screen of my phone lighting up from my bag that I left on the floor next to my pile of clothes. I grabbed the phone and laid tummy down on the bed to see it was a text from Chastity, well it was a picture of her with some guy enjoying a beer and it made me smile to see her enjoying herself like she was.

"You just gave up on clothes, huh?" CJ asked all the sudden which made me basically throw the phone at the wall as I reached for the blanket and rolled myself in it to cover myself. "It's hilarious how jumpy you are, my God. I wasn't even trying to scare you and you look like your soul just left your body." He teased as he closed the door behind him and got on the bed with me.