The Secret Diary of Jane Elliot

Dresses & Games - 24th of May 1851

A few days have passed since last wrote an entry into you, diary, and I have come to inform you that nothing of importance has occurred up until today. These last few days I have been bleak and empty, making the task of forgetting that last night I described to you so much more difficult. I've spent my day's walk learning French, walking the gardens, and sneaking conversations with Charlotte. Last night, I snuck her into my chambers and we spent the evening in such joy I feared my father would hear our laughter, even if he had been passed out drunk for hours by that time.

"Oh, Lottie! I must say, you look absolutely dashing!" I laughed as she did a turn, my blue dress moving like water along with her.

"Why, thank you!" She giggled before taking one of my winter hats and putting it on, and then when she turned towards me she had on a sour face which reminded me of my aunt, "Be-gone, peasant!" She exclaimed, pushing my shoulder slightly before grimacing and pretending to wipe her hand off on one of my other dresses.

I almost fell to my knees as I laughed so much at her unnerving likeness to my aunt, "Lottie, please stop. I fear my ribs may break!" I said laughing, but she continued.

"That's right, peasant. Quake and cover before me! I was born richer than you so must treat me as a Goddess!" She said, striking a pose and putting her hand out as a signal to be kissed and admired. I stood up and bowed like a man, kissing her hand.

"An improper bow? In my kingdom?!" She gasped dramatically, grabbing one of my fans and hitting my lightly over the head with it, "For shame!"

I laughed and ran over to my bed, Charlotte following after me and continuing to hit my head lightly with my fan. I jumped onto my bed and she did so as well, falling onto her back and looking up as we both continuing laughing, side by side. In all honesty, I do not know what I shall do when Charlotte will not be by my side. I think of her as my sister, my friend, and my equal.

"Oh dear, I must be getting back," She said as she heard the clock strike 11, "It is much too late for you to be awake."

She took off my ball-gown and put her servant attire back on, and I suddenly felt fear striking my core as I looked out my window, I believe I was afraid of seeing the phantom again. Ever since that night I have been seeing strange apparitions all around me at night, and I believe it might be the spirit. "Don't go, Charlotte..."

"Why ever not? We've played our games and had a jolly laugh, but both of us must rest now."

"Then stay here with me," I looked at her and she at me with a confused expression, "My bed is large enough as it is."

Charlotte shook her head, "Do not ask such things of me, sweetie. I have work in the morning, as always."

As she walked towards the door, I couldn't help but look out the window again, "Oh, Lottie, please! I can not bear being alone, not once it's turned so dark."

"Since when have you been afraid of the dark? You always used to enjoy it so." She turned back to me, and I could tell that she was concerned. What she said was true, I have always enjoyed the dark. Before that night in the graveyard, the dark soothed me.

"Could I tell you a secret?" I asked her, and she took my hands, nodding, "Of course."

When we had both sat down on my bed I continued, "On the night of the 17th I went for a walk, and I came across a graveyard. I could see a faint light and, overtaken with curiosity, I followed it, and that's when I saw it."

"It?"

"You must believe me, Charlotte, it was a spirit!"

Charlotte looked bewildered and confused, but I saw no expression of doubt and amusement in her features which soothed my anxious mind. If my friend would not have believed me then I am sure my heart had broken.

"A-A spirit?" She asked and I nodded, "Oh dear... Wh-What did it look like?"

"It was a man. He was dressed very elegantly, I think."

"You think?"

"I was stricken with so much fear I do not remember his appearance," I admitted, lowering my head in shame.

Charlotte sighed and embraced me, "I shall stay with you for the night, but you must overcome this fear soon."

I nodded, embracing her back, "I shall try my best."

Later on, when both of us had been dressed in our sleeping attire, we were laying in my bed in silence when I suddenly heard Charlotte whispered over to me, "Tell me one thing, Jane."

"Anything," I replied back.

"Was the man blonde?"

"I believe so," I said after thinking for a few moments and I could hear Charlotte's breath hitch, "Are you alright?"

"Yes," She replied quickly, and I did not believe her in the slightest even though I wanted to, "Now, sleep well, sweetie."

I now sit by my desk with only a light to guide my pen to the paper, but I knew I had to write everything down once Charlotte had fallen asleep. I fear she may know something about this spirit that I don't, and I intend to ask her about it tomorrow. But, for now, I must rest for I think I see a faint glow outside of my window. I fear Charlotte will parish along with me now that she is in my bed, so, if this is my last entry, let me say this- I do not fear death and I pray God will take me to heaven with my friend where we shall be portrayed as equals, as we are.