The Secret Diary of Jane Elliot

Boredom and Confusion - 9th of April 1851

Today is the day I shall meet Sir Radcliffe again. Father seems excited on meeting his friend again, and my aunt has told me of her own feelings towards the situation. She is enthusiastic but cautious, and has advised me to be the same way as her. I sit now in my room and it's almost time to leave. The strawberries I was given lie in a bowl next to the ink I write with, and I must confess they are very savory and delicious. The flowers sit on the windowsill which overlooks the street just below. It's a fine day for a visit, although I'm not particularly looking forward to it.

The clock has now struck 9 and it's time to leave, for I see just out my window that the carriage has arrived. We are leaving so very early because my father wishes to see the city again, and then we will join Sir Radcliffe at his home. London seems such a city of life and opportunity I hardly know whether I care venture out there again. I feel safe in here- solitary and calm.

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Today was a day of strange feelings and boring conversations. We arrived at Sir Radcliffe's London townhouse after a long day of sightseeing. It was fun, with children running up to the carriage with roses and bread in exchange for money. I very gratefully bought bread and roses, which my aunt disagreed with.

"What dirty little gremlins." She exclaimed, loud enough for them to hear. I wanted to scold her for being so mean, but I couldn't bring myself to.

We arrived a little bit late, but thankfully enough Sir Radcliffe didn't seem to mind. With him was his friend, Frederick Taylor, a factory owner who's character was agreeable and kind. Father and he seem to be old friends and they spoke freely together. Much to my aunt's liking Mister Taylor brought his wife along with him. Carolyn Taylor is very happy and seems to carry around a smile wherever she goes. Carolyn and Frederick seem to be truly in love with each other, which brings on the question- why can't I marry for love, too? I'm not saying that I am in love, but to marry someone out of nothing but convenience and fortune just seems so heartless.

We all drank tea together, with the three men speaking heartily of their adventures, and my aunt and Misses Taylor gossiping. I took no care in noticing what any of them spoke of, if I'm honest. It all felt rather dry, bland, and uninteresting. I sat in silence as I drank my tea, which a very nice maid had brought in for us. What struck me as strange was how coldly Sir Radcliffe ordered her around, even going as far as scolding her for almost stepping on my dress. It had been no ones fault - not mine, not hers -, and I tried to make that clear but he just ignored me and sent the maid away. Will he be this cold towards me if should agree to marry him?

As the time drew on it was only half an hour until we would leave, and it seemed like that was the perfect time for Sir Radcliffe to drop his conversation with my father and their mutual friend. He asked me how I liked his home, and I told him that it was agreeable enough. He then said that perhaps a woman's touch would make it more lively and homely, to which I received a glance from my aunt. It was no secret what all of them were thinking. He inquired after my health, which I told him was well and that I was happy.

We shared a joke about the rose I was carrying, which I must admit softened his character a lot. He seems more like a friend, or maybe even a father figure, rather than a potential husband. Misses Taylor then suggested that we should all take a walk in the park together tomorrow, and everyone seemed very excited for it. So now I must go and meet Sir Radcliffe tomorrow again. Our tea together was rather uneventful, if we ignore the softening of his character. All in all, I'm not surprised nor am I satisfied. We have just arrived home, and the clock has already struck 5 o'clock. I must now change and get ready for a light supper with the Pennyworths.

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A supper of crêpes and chowder we ate, and I must admit that having Elizabeth by my side made everything so much more enjoyable. I no longer felt scared to speak my mind, for she and I were in such an enjoyable state together that I began feeling so much more at home here. It was almost as if I had my dear Lottie with me at the table, and I must admit that I have begun to miss her.

After dinner we played a short game of croquet in their backyard garden. It was smaller than I would have expected, but then again this is London and even the ones lucky enough to have a whole house still have to deal with the restrictions of living with such close neighbors. One the bitter cold had started to nip at us we went inside and into the game room, where my aunt and Lady Pennyworth played cards with Richard. Father and Sir Pennyworth played a game of pool while Elizabeth and I amused ourselves with a game of chess, to which Sir Pennyworth said that we had no place in for we were women and therefor our intelligence wasn't quiet high enough to be able to play it. I felt hurt by this comment, but let it slide. Elizabeth didn't look hurt at all, which makes me wonder whether or not she has to deal with these comments every day, and if that is indeed the truth I pity her. I wouldn't be able to live with that- not at all.

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I have just said my goodnights to my aunt and father, and while on my way back to my chambers I overheard Elizabeth talking to someone. It was probably Philip trying to entice her on leaving with him. I felt it wasn't my duty to interfere so I just let them be. I pray, that if this is the night she'll leave, that God will protect her from all of harms way.

In other, much more personal news, when I entered my room to write in you, dear diary, I saw a stone on top of you. This is very strange, mostly because you are hidden in a secret drawer. The stone is course but small, and I can not for the life of me figure out where it has come from or how it got there. I certainly don't remember picking up anything and leaving it in here.

I feel as though I'm too tired to even think about it anymore. I'm going to sleep now, and I wish for nothing but happy dreams and peaceful slumber. Goodnight.