*trigger warning*
Ryan decided to stay with me after I practically begged him to, but he's not the same at all. He's more pushy and borderline abusive. I dropped and broke a mug on accident the other day and the way he responded was just shocking to me. Normally he would've spent the whole day with me and glued it together just to spend time with me. But instead it was just a lot of "bitches" and "fucks" and "cunts".
He also pushed me so hard that I went down and got cut by a broken piece of the mug.
Ryan and the band had a gig to play later that day. I beat myself up all night about how I wasn't good enough for him anymore. Then I went on Instagram and the only thing that stuck out to me was the awful hate comments on pictures with me and Ry. That's when I had enough, I ran upstairs already in tears. I grabbed a piece of plain notebook paper and a pen from my nightstand and I wrote everything I was feeling insecure about right then:
Sorry for being fat.
Sorry for not being good enough.
Sorry for being to loud.
Sorry for breaking your favorite mug.
Sorry for being stupid.
Sorry for being weird.
Sorry for being immature all the time.
Sorry for walking into your life and wasting your time.
I loved you,
Kate
I had struggled with self harm before and Ryan flushed all the blades I used down the toilet. So as I didn't have any blades, I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and pried out one of the blades from an unused razor. I grabbed my anti-depression pills from the cabinet. If I was gonna die, why not die happy? I sat on the floor next to the sink and looked in the mirror. I was disgusted by what I saw. I took the blade and made five marks for not being good enough for Ryan. Five more for being an "attention whore", as the fans had called me. Five more for being stupid enough to let Brendon kiss me that day. I felt a rush as I saw my blood appeared on my arm. I grabbed a few pills, put them in my mouth, and got a drink of water. I started blacking out as I heard Brendon's voice yelling my name.
DU LIEST GERADE
I hate that I love you.
FanfictionThis story is one of the shitty ideas that came into mind at 3 in the morning. Basically it's a love triangle between Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie. So aye read it. I know you don't have anything else to do.
