Everglow

October 15, 2016: I just need to know, that you won't forget about me

"Maine, you make me insanely happy, you know that right?" He asks her, as they hurdled through the horrible Makati traffic.

She turn to look at him slowly, feeling half ashamed, half scared of what she feels, or better yet, what she doesn't. Yet as she nods at him silently and looks away, staring at the cars passing by.

That's just it. I know I make you happy.

But I don't know for how long.

Carlo reaches over to the passenger's side and touches her hand, and he notes how uncharacteristically cold it was. He clears his throat nervously and asks, "Nicomaine, I know I never asked you before, because it always seemed that way anyway. But I have to know... Happy ka?"

She turns to look at him and found him staring expectantly at her. There was something in his eyes she had never seen before--for the first time since they met, Carlo looked scared, he looked unsure of himself.

She felt incredibly awful, because as he sits in front of her awaiting an answer, all she could think about was Richard. About how that question sounded so much different from Richard's lips, from Richard's voice, with Richard's eyes sparkling up at her as he asks her, "Menggay, happy ka?"

About how different it felt when it was Richard who asked her.

Each and every time she heard Richard ask, she felt as if her heart would burst from so much happiness. It was damn near close to being indescribable--how Richard's question had always made her feel. But whatever it was, she remembers wanting it to last for as long as possible, for as long as one single moment can hold.

It was the same question,  phrased exactly the same way. Yet how could the same string of words sound like a precious secret at one time then incredibly mundane in the next?

But I'm sure...I was happy with Carlo. He did make me happy.

But now, I don't know why I feel so unsure about everything. I feel like I'm longing for something I can't even remember.

Yet I feel them. I feel every single emotion from what it seems like memories I didn't even have, those I can't seem to have any recollection of.

What's happening to me?

Carlo noticed how long she was taking for Maine to answer as she wordlessly stares out into the window, her hands limp against his. He squeezed her hand gently, as if to remind her of his presence. "Babe?"

"Oh. I... I'm sorry. I.. You asked if..."

I should probably tell him 'yes' right? I mean it's only the right thing to do.

Carlo stares at her and smiles at her sadly before turns his gaze back to the road. He cleared his throat, "It seems like we'll be stuck for a bit. Pahinga ka muna, babe."

She nods in acquiescence,  as he switches the radio on. Maine was silently thankful that Carlo chose to completely drop the question--it was still a question she did not want to answer, a question he probably would not want an honest answer to.

***********

After the painfully silent car ride, her apartment building finally started to come into view. "Thank you, babe for dinner and for..." She was already fishing out her keys when an eerily familiar tune filled the air.

You'd think I'd leave your side, baby.
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees,
I wouldn't do that.

It's this song.

Carlo looks at her worriedly, but she remained unmoving, somewhat entranced by the song she was hearing again after all these years. She felt her chest tighten, eyes beginning to water as memories start to flood her.

It felt like things started to click. Suddenly all the irrational longing she's been feeling made all the sense in the world. She closes her eyes and recalls in flashes, hands balled, knuckles turning white.

I'll tell you you're right when you want, I
And if only you could see into me.
Oh when you're cold, I'll be here to hold you tight, to me.

The sky was painted in midnight blue, tickled with stars twinkling above them. The wind was blowing lightly, perfectly even. It wasn't too cold either.

Everything was perfect.

They were on top of some building, and every single corner was adorned with lights. There was no grand spectacle, no fuss at all. It looked simple, it looked absolutely beautiful. The song started to play and she literally felt goosebumps. She remembers feeling extremely happy.

It was quite rare that one's expectations meet reality--but Maine had always been blessed.

She remembered her heart started to swell as she finally noticed the person walking up to her. His eyes looked tired, but somehow he looked extremely happy. The twinkle that Maine saw in his eyes was unmistakable. He had this childish grin plastered on his handsome face, the dimple on his left cheek more prominent by ever precious second.

Time seemed to have stopped for her when he finally reached her. Time seemed to have stopped as they slow danced for the first time.

She could feel his head slightly resting on top of hers as they swayed to the song, and he asks, "Happy ka?"

And everything, every single thing was perfect.

When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in.
I will show you, you're so much better than you know.
When you're lost and you're alone, and you can't get back again,
I will find you, darling and I will bring you home.

Tears trickle down her face in silent sobs, her emotions on a tipping point as once again she felt time stop for her for one last time.

Suddenly, everything was clear.

It's Richard. It has always been Richard.

*******
A/N: I know this update is quite shorter than the usual, but I hope you guys still like it.

Also, this chapter made reference to the March 3, 2012 (ii) chapter. So if this chapter confused you a bit (although I'm hoping na hindi 😭) , then I think taking a peek at the March 3 chapter will make more sense of things. 🙂

AGAIN, thank you thank you THANK YOU for supporting Everglow! 💕💕💕