I Wish

Chapter 37

Once Zayn has showered, we go to bed. 

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The next morning I wake up when Zayn gets out of bed. Its chilly, and with his warmth gone, I begin to feel the cold. 

"Babeeee," I groan, wrapping the covers around me tighter. "Come back."

With a shy smile, Zayn shakes his head. "I have to go to work."

"Just five more minutes?" I plead. I can see he is contemplating staying in bed. 

"I don't have time," he smiles. 

"But I wanna cuddle..." I pout.

"Mel, you know I can't resist it when you do that," he laughs. 

"I know," I reply smiling. "Thats why I do it."

"You make everything so dificult," he teases me and quickly gets back into our bed. "Just five minutes."

He wraps his arms around my waist and I nudge my head into his shoulder. I leave a trail of small kisses down his neck and whisper "I love you." His fingers make patterns on my back as he strokes me, and its sends a shiver going down my spine. 

"I'm gonna miss you today," he whispers, and I smile. Even just those five words are enough to leave me glowing the whole day. They are enough to keep me feeling alive and happy. They are enough to keep me coming for more. 

After five minutes, Zayn sighs deeply and kisses the top of my head.  Then he exits the bed, leaving me in the cold bed. Alone. All I remember after that is waking up a second time, to find the house completely empty. 

Once I am showered and dressed, I eat breakfast and check my phone. There are thousandths of twitter mentions, and I furrow my eyebrows as I read them. They are all about Zayn, how they are so happy that he is single. Once girl has posted a link, and I click on it. It opens to an article with an interview with the boys. Its recent, but not the one I was at the other day. I read everything, and gape as I see Zayn's response to one specific question.

Interviewer: Zayn, do you have a girlfriend?

Zayn: Nah man. I don't have time for that kind of stuff. To be honest, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I find it hard enough to take care of myself sometimes. 

Interviewer: What about those rumors? You and some mysterious girl were spotted not too long ago going out. Whats that about?

Zayn: She is just a friend of mine. She is really sweet, but not really my type. Yeah, she's cool, but I don't feel the need to date anyone right now. 

Interviewer: So to clear it up with all the fans out there, you are single?

Zayn: Thats correct.

I know Zayn has to do this because of management, but it makes me sad. It makes me question if our relationship is real, or if I'm just a toy for when he is bored. I wake up every day, hoping that he will confirm our relationship in an interview, because it honestly breaks me every time the word "single" comes out of his mouth. I imagine all the thirsty fans, tweeting him hundreds of times to try and get his attention because they don't know the truth; he is taken.

But then again, thats what management wants. They want all the hormonal thirteen year olds to fall deeply in love with him and chase him around time, just so that they can make money on their merchandise and music. Its a sick business really. If he said he had a girlfriend, not only would it put the company at risk, but I would be scared for my own safety. 

I need someone to talk to, but I feel like if I text Zayn, I will seem a little desperate. 

Eleanor and Dani probably aren't awake yet.

I feel tired, depressed, and upset, but I don't really know what I want from Zayn. What I want from our relationship. It feels like I am spiraling down a black and white hole, waiting for Zayn to reach down and pick me up, but he never does. I'm tired of always hearing rumors of us in magazines, and I'm tired of listening to Zayn deny our relationship. I'm just tired of everything. 

Sometimes I wish I had fallen in love with a normal boy. Sometimes I wish I could take it all back. Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking all these stupid thoughts. 

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