Heart Out ||m.h

1-UGH!

And you're the only thing that's going on in mind
Taking over my life a second time
I don't have the capacity for fucking
You're meant to be helping me

...

Vivien

I fell almost automatically on my bed once I've finished all the paperworks that were all due tomorrow. My eyes snapped shut the moment my head met the mattress on my bed that's doing a not-so-great-job at being one.

•••

"What time is it?" I heard myself groggily say to no one in particular. I wasn't even sure if there's anybody in the room with me. I was trying so hard to lift myself out of my bed but I felt so heavy so I laid there for a little while longer.

"I don't know, 9 o'clock maybe." A voice that has become so familiar yet still so new for me to guess who it was, answered me. After seconds, my roommate Pam's haggard and hungover face came into view. "I just got here." She said shrugging and sipping her coffee in her trusty mug.

"It's 9." I whispered to myself while trying to stop my eyelids from falling. "Okay. Okay."

Wait. It's 9 o'clock already?

"Shit." I sat up instantly, neverminding the fact that I might have broke my spinal chord. "Shit. Shit." I got out of my bed immediately and went straight to the bathroom to wash the sleepiness and panic off my face.

•••

This day started off bad and ended up worse.

I missed first period, so I have to make up for that. I left all the paper works and reports I worked so hard last night which is ironic because it ended up being the reason why I got up so late and consequently forgetting my papers.

Ugh.

I feel like I'm failing college and the worst part is...it's not really bothering me at all.

•••

"Someone's in a bad mood today."

"Isn't she always?"

I turned around to see Asher and Luna making their way towards my direction. I waved uninterestedly at them and resumed my reading.

"Hey." Luna greeted me while Asher sat down across from me.

"Hi." I breathed without looking away from the pages that held my sanity. I need to read to know that I can still process things and comprehend them. It's a peculiar condition but it doesn't mean anything. Using words as a medium for escaping is not a disorder.

We were silent like that for awhile. That's exactly why I tolerate Asher and Luna. They are almost always aware when it's appropriate or not to react. I don't mean for them to keep on adjusting and patiently trying to understand my way of behaving. Actually, they can leave me and be with other people who's not going to break and shatter themselves. They don't have to pick up every pieces since I never asked them to. I don't get why they chose to stick with me, but I'm alright with it, though.

We spend our time together almost like this all the time. I read or sleep, Asher listens to music while doing his homeworks, while Luna sits and types in her phone until her thumbs eventually fall off. It's actually kinda nice. The serenity and quietness but you realize that you're not alone or isolated. I'm not complaining about it.

•••

"Viv, we should ditch classes tomorrow." Luna faced me with a complete crazed look in her face.

"Um, what?" I closed the book that I was holding.

"Luna, you need help." Asher looked at her completely horrified.

"I wasn't even talking to you." Luna glared deeply at him and turned to me. "I was talking to Vivien."

Asher was about to say something back but I cut him off, knowing full well that this will inevitably turn into nonstop bickering. Honestly, my head hurts from all the crap that falls out of their mouths. It doesn't help in saving the world from global warming and feeding the famished children in Africa.

"Why? What's happening?" I asked, feigning curiosity. Truth was I'd do anything to skip class. I don't really need a justification, maybe just a reason to serve as an excuse, I guess.

"There's this indie music festival thing downtown and I don't know maybe it's something worth checking out." Luna shrugged nonchalantly as she scrolled down her phone.

"Since when are you into those kind of stuff?" Asher asked. "That's a Vivien thing."

Luna stopped fidgeting with her phone and rolled her eyes to the point that it was painful to watch. "That's why I'm inviting her, like duh Ash."

I chuckled indifferently. "That actually do sound kinda nice."

Luna smiled brightly at me. "So you're in? It starts tomorrow at 8 until midnight or so, I think."

Asher being his typical and matured self, tried to butt in. "And what, you're just gonna bail on your classes?" He was accusingly looking at Luna which I felt bad about.

Luna being her typical and sassy self, snapped at him. "That's the plan."

I tapped Asher on his shoulder despite the fact that we're sitting across from each other. "You're not coming?"

He amusedly shook his head. "I can't believe you're going."

"Because she thinks there's more to life than staying in your room all day and waiting for exams and quizzes so you could ace them and rub it in other people's faces." Luna's mouth was a black hole sometimes, it can't shut itself.

"Haha, well-said Brennan." Asher spoke sarcastically through gritted teeth.

"Haha, great comeback Marks."

Luna Brennan and Asher Marks, the thing with them is that they may have understanding hearts but they just don't know how to shut up sometimes. It's funny how they fight a lot but they're both actually more alike than different. It's frustrating how they argue and you end up hearing the things they say but in the end you're just a wall.

But that's okay, actually.

I like being the wall. You get to pretend that you don't exist.

END OF CHAPTER 1

A/N: Hey, thanks for reading. Lovelots.