Heart Out ||m.h

4- Settle Down

For crying out loud
Settle down
You know I can't be found with you
We get back to my house
Your hands, my mouth
Now I just stop myself around you

•••

Vivien

It was already past 5 in the morning, Matty and I are just sitting on one of the benches in the town's park, waiting for the sun to rise. He said it would be nice.

During the time we've spent together, it was mostly all about silence and thoughts. Matty wasn't that talkative and neither was I so you could say that we clicked altogether.

Don't get me wrong, he wasn't entirely mute. He told me stuff about him and the story behind their band. He told me which is who in the band and why the four of them understands each other. He told me all the mandatory things I needed to qualify him as an acquaintance and not just as a stranger anymore. I thought it wasn't necessary, it's not like I'm gonna run into him again after we've parted ways.

I've learned that his last name was Healy and that his mom is an actress whom I've never really heard of. I didn't told him though but I bet he kinda knew.

To think of it, he was actually the one doing all the talking. I listened with a willing ear because I get genuinely amused when he tells me stories. He's a great story-teller, I'll give him that.

"You know, I'm not just saying this because I'm in a band, but you should listen to what we do." He said, his eyes were fixated on the horizon. I wasn't even sure if he was talking to me. He seemed dazed.

"What do you do?" I asked after awhile.

He smile crookedly, the proud kind. "Music. Songs that we think are alive and should make you feel alive, too."

I nodded at this, letting its meanings sink in me. "I'll give it a try."

Matty nodded. We were still sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting until we finally watched the sun breaking out. We both smiled at each other.

Despite how beautiful the sunrise was, I felt my heart getting heavier by the minute. So this is the end, I bet. I'm never seeing this British boy with hair curlier than mine again.

We stood up and walked, slower this time. As if by doing so, we would slow down time.

There were a few people in the park now albeit how early it was.

I didn't realized that we were now holding hands, tighter than the knots in my stomach. It was like we were refusing to let each other go. None of us admitted it but it would be heartbreaking.

•••

"Fuck." Matty hissed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't believe those fuckers took off with my fucking car. Holy fuck." He was pacing back and forth, agitated.

I just sat there, patiently counting how many times he said the word "fuck". I wanted to shut his voice out and just stare at him. This is the first time I've felt something for Matty, I think it's respect despite how he swore rigorously.