On the car ride back home from dropping off Vanya at school made me think, it made me think a lot. I've been procrastinating on my writing and my work. There is something that's been in the way from me getting inspired. I haven't been out much because I've been so focused on making sure that Vanya is okay. Although, she is very independent and I admire the way she takes care of herself, she is still very afraid of being at home alone. She's afraid that someone will break in or that someone is after her and of course this is normal, what she went through is traumatic and no one should ever have to see that at such a young age. I fear that she will never be able to live her life fully because of this. Vanya is my rock as I am hers. Typical Greek woman thinks she doesn't need anyone there for her and that she can take care of herself, sadly for her this swede doesn't play that game, I'd be there no matter what. Looking through the windows of the car as I drive back shows me so many different people, so much different lives, how different everyone is truly.
There's a woman (most likely a single mom) with her hair in a messy bun, her face is bare and her two children are extremely cranky. While looking at her cross the street I am in awe that this woman still has a smile on her face. Through her smile I could see how exhausted she is and how hard she works for those kids and herself. I admire that...There is so much that people go through and no one will be able to tell unless you step back from yourself and really look at that other person. That's why I am a writer. I write from what I see and the images in my head, the way someone responds, the way they talk, their body language. I have to remind myself everyday why I do this and it just so happens that on this car ride home that's what I'm doing. I could smell the scent of Vanya's perfume in the car and it takes me to another place. It's the perfume she wore the very first time we went out on a date. "Eternity" by Calvin Klein. That scent brings back memories of so much even the first time we made love. When we first made love it was exhilarating and passionate. The scent of her perfume was enchanting and so captivating up to where it made me feel like I never made love like that ever before. Thinking about that first time exploring this woman's body and kissing every inch of her up and down, the thought of her soft skin and how she blossomed for me like a daisy in the spring.
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I get inside and she's all I can think about from the moment that she leaves til she comes back. I am completely hers, my heart and soul are bound to her. If I begin to write with my thoughts full of her, it'll be nothing more than sappy romance novel with a mix of fifty shades, it would be far from your regular "Nicholas Sparks". I've got to clean the rest of the house up especially the kitchen from the mess we've unfortunately left, a mess without any real mess clearly. While cleaning I put on some music and of course the first song that shuffles on is "Nothing can change this love" by Sam Cooke. The first song that Vanya ever shared with me because it was her dads favorite. All the memories start sweeping in and I am back to not being able to focus on anything but her. I have never met someone that has been through so much pain but is the sweetest and most giving. We have both been lost and now we are found.
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I'll write until she walks back in the door and when she comes back my full attention will be on her. The more I am with her the more I learn. Maybe the thoughts for my next book aren't here yet, but Vanya is an endless journey that I hope to be on for the rest of my life and there is no story I could write better than that.
YOU ARE READING
Cages of Love
RomanceTwo couples struggle with their relationship and their journey to self-love.
