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It's half past 3 am and William is back from work doing his regular shift at the bar. I could smell the liquor on his clothes and it makes me worry. William is a recovering alcoholic and shouldn't be anywhere near a bar but he does make a pretty good amount of tips and until he finds something more steady, this will do. I'm sitting in the living room looking at the painting again for the second time today, each time I look at it the more I feel like the bird in the cage. This isn't the way I want to live my life but I love him, if anything were to happen to Will and I wasn't there to help or apart of his life in general I would feel like I am at fault. His mistakes have become my issues too, because I love him. That's what happens with someone you love, doesn't it? I could feel that we are going to fight again tonight. I knew that getting involved with him would be hard because what kind of love isn't? I just didn't think it would be more fighting than loving. I didn't think we'd both end up feeling lost together. Two people in love should feel like they are found when they are together but we are both lost in two different places and can't find our way back to the start.
"Did you have a good day off today, babe?" he says with his very sexy sleepy and drained voice.
"Just cleaned up and ran some errands, shower and I'll get you a plate, Bennett brought over some food from the diner and I asked him to bring over your fave."
"Bennett was here?" he doesn't sound too happy, what else is new?
"Yeah, he was for just a few to drop off the food. He is our delivery boy after all, Will. What else is he supposed to do?"
"You know I don't like that guy because he clearly likes you and he kisses your ass, so excuse me for not being thrilled he dropped off our fucking dinner."
"This again, William? You know what, honey...maybe I do need some ass kissing, after all it isn't like my OWN man gives me any, anyways. Go take a shower, we aren't fighting tonight. I have no energy for it."
He walks to the bathroom and slams the door shut, as Danni is heating up his chicken parm sandwich in the oven, she lets out a sigh, her body is exhausted from fighting and make up sex. She is drained from trying to be happy all of the time for him. There are just some things that he doesn't appreciate or acknowledge, even if Bennett did like her, she would never cheat or disrespect William that way. His own insecurities continue to affect Danielle.
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The door opens from the shower and he's in nothing but a towel, his hair wet and falling effortlessly on the side of his face, I could look at him and fall more in love with him even in the darkest of times and in a fight where I want to punch him in the face. I am sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee just staring at him as he gets dressed in the other room. I flip the channels on the tv and the first film we ever saw together comes on "Revolutionary Road" with the one and only Leonardo Dicaprio. It's the scene when April is yelling at Frank telling him that if he touches her, she's going to scream and that she hates him. It brings me back to the moment when we saw this together and we looked at each other and both laughed hoping we would never turn out that way. We aren't that way but I won't lie and pretend like we aren't almost there. I am running from that. I leave the film playing and lay there waiting for him to come and eat next to me.
When he comes over there are tears rolling down my cheeks because each scene in this film keeps hitting me harder than ever before. William puts his plate down on the coffee table and sits next to me.
"What is it? You love this one."
"I know but now it just makes me sad, I know I don't tend to cry at films but I just can't watch this anymore."
"This was our first movie together, Danni, remember that night? Hah...we were cuddling and laughing about how we would never be this way. And we aren't, so why are you crying so much?"
"We don't communicate anymore, William. It's as if you are a stranger I lay with now." "Danielle, we fight sure, but you know I am not going anywhere, baby. We're a team."
"Are we...a team, William? You are slowly fading from me and it's as if I can't keep up with you. That I am just slowly vanishing in mid air. Sure we aren't like Frank and April but we are almost there. Maybe...we should just -"
"Don't. Danielle. Please don't."
"Why not? Do you have anything you should tell me right now, Will? You don't want me to end this? Then tell me, you know what you need to say, so don't you dare act like an idiot or that I am some sort of psycho."
"I know what you want to hear, Danielle. And I'm sorry baby, but I can't just say that to you. You know I feel it. You know I do, so why do I need to constantly say it?"
"Get out."
"What?"
"Leave, William. If I hear you give me that bullshit speech again because you are still a coward after we have been together for three years, I am going to be sick."
Her eyes begin to water and she can feel this huge ball in the pit of her stomach. She doesn't want him to go but she can't continue to feel this way.
"Danielle, please. You know I do."
"You what, Will? WHAT?"
She cuts him off before he can even take his next breath to speak.
"I feel like my heart is trapped in a cage and the cage can't be opened because the man I thought had the key has thrown it away or is just too afraid to use it. Doesn't matter if I think you love me or not, what matters is that you don't say it. I tell you I love you every single day, because life is short, William. I may not be able to see you tomorrow or in the morning and I always want you to know that I love you. It should be the same for you, but it isn't and I have been a fool. You have used me and abused me emotionally and I am at that point where I can't take it anymore. Please, leave. I'd rather stay trapped in this cage alone than with someone who is too afraid to open the door and fly with me."
William says nothing but he can see in her eyes that she is exhausted whether it be from him or her three jobs, she is tired. He knows in his heart he doesn't make anything easy on her, his eyes settle on hers again but he can't say it, those three words just can't come out of his mouth as much as he wants it to. He puts his jacket and shoes on and leaves, not knowing where he will go but none of that matters now.
The door shuts and Danielle locks it behind him and as she locks it she stays for a moment trying to hold herself together until she can't anymore that she just falls to the floor in tears, heavy tears and heavy breathing, her heart hurts, she feels alone and now she really is alone.
