colours. (camren)

Chapter 8

Camila POV

The so-called comfortable silence quickly became borderline unbearable. I kept wondering to myself why this car ride was taking so long. Being next to Lauren for so long while she's playing with my hand was too much for my heart to handle...for some reason.

The car came to a stop at a traffic light and Lauren took advantage to use her free hand...that is, the one that isn't holding so tightly onto mine...to flip all of her hair over one shoulder and fanning herself with her hand.

"Whoa. It's hot today", she said continuing to fan herself. I was unknowingly staring at her and my infatuation came to light.

"Camila, are you ok? You're kinda staring", Lauren said uncomfortably shuffling under my gaze. I quickly snapped myself out of my trance to hide my appreciation of her beauty in absolutely any and everything she does. This could not be more confusing.

I give her a toothless smile and nod my head 'yes', because I was unable to formulate any form of logical excuse. Thankfully, she didn't read any further into it. Hopefully I can voice my frustrating obsession with her body without hurting her feelings. This built up tension inside my body was quickly becoming unbearable. 

"God, where's this damn school, I feel like we've been driving forever. B-because you know...I j-just want to get this day over with", I said nervously looking away hoping that she didn't see right through my statement. There was no response, but I heard a soft chuckle coming from next to me and I couldn't help but smile to myself. I turned my gaze to outside the window, and the view of...on a regular day, hell...but today, my best friend...,school came into light. 

A surge of relief shot through me, before my mind took over and I would not be able to validate my future actions towards Lauren. Even something, maybe I myself, can't understand as yet. Pulling up to the school, I undid my seatbelt and gathered my things to leap out of the car as quickly as possible.

"Don't worry princess, we're here now. You can get away from me now", she said turning and looking at me while turning off the engine. A small smile crept up on her face followed by a nervous laugh indicating that she was joking. But her eyes were telling a different story, I could see that she understood my earlier statement about wanting to get away from her. In that very moment, so much guilt washed over me. It was so overwhelming that I felt my eyes begin to sting and they became glassy just watching Lauren trying to hide her disappointment spewing because of my statement. She tried to hide it, but I can read her like a book. And I love books.

So, if you love books, and you related her to a book. Does that mean that you therefore love her Camila? I said to myself  inwardly, in third person.

I mentally slapped myself for getting so side-tracked, and also for going there and making that unnecessary connection.

She quickly looked away from me and looked down, playing with her fingers. If I could've hated myself anymore in that moment, I would.

"Look at me", I say placing my index finger under her chin making her turn to return her gaze to me. Those eyes. Her eyes have changed from when we got into the car the first time. Her eyes, are now, the embodiment of sadness, with their glassy trait protruding through the barrier, a waterfall building up at the edges. All I could think about was that I could cause that much pain to someone, and right there, I vowed internally, to never hurt her again. I moved my finger from under her chin, but only to caress her cheek with my palm.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I love spending time with you", I tell her in complete genuineness, tracing a path on her cheek with my thumb, not removing my intense stare from her green pools of bliss. Her face relaxes into my hand, uncontrollably closing her eyes, and I felt a sudden release of breath like she was holding it in for that entire moment.