voices | phan au

Chapter Thirty One

(a/n: as if i couldnt make my life any harder by leaving this at such an awkward position to carry it on, i did it again. i will do this; enjoy. also, there will be little to no speech in this,)

It's been more years.
Years that did nothing but cause tears.
Only for one half though,
Since the other half won't let his feelings show.
You thought they did nothing but care,
but what happened to love that Dan and Phil used share?

Years have gone by, and all Phil can seem to think about is Dan. All he thinks about is how stupid he was that he left Dan in London. All he thinks about is how stupid he is to walk away from someone who was sad. Along with these thoughts, he had to put up with the media saying that he's dead or living in secrecy. Phil's life is pretty much fucked unless he says something, but words have consequences and he knows that if he does open his mouth, something will happen; and Phil thinks it isn't a good thing.

Phil was scared about the future; I mean, wouldn't you be if you don't say that you're alive? The thing is, Phil still loves Dan, even after what he put Phil through. Phil has been desperate to film videos, desperate to leave his job at his office job and start YouTube again; but he doesn't want to show Dan he has moved on, because he hasn't; so living in secrecy was now that norm for Phil. To Phil; nothing was going correctly. He had ambitions and dreams planted into his YouTube career, but it crumbled down - like his hopes of ever seeing Dan again...

Dan.
What a different story.
Ever since Phil left him in London; he can say he was sad for about a month; however he still made videos and went to meetings, just covering it with smiled, but he soon got over it when he came to terms with his bisexuality and started dating a girl called 'Chloe'. Despite the fact that they have only been dating for around month, Dan means the world to Chloe, but it isn't the same for Dan.

I mean, sure Dan loved Chloe, but the majority of his heart still belonged to Phil. Everyday, all Dan would think about was Phil; not his girlfriend, not his bills, not his job. All he could think about was Phil. Everyday, Dan would get asked by Chloe if he is okay, since every time he thinks about Phil, he tears up in memory of the good and bad times they had. The thought of Dan finally speaking to Phil after about 4 years; it would make his life, but how?

How does he tell his girlfriend "hey I'm leaving you for someone else" after around 2 months of dating? How can he contact Phil when he won't even upload a video, let alone use his phone. The whole situation just seems to be proving impossible for both Dan and Phil. The entirety of their heads is always focusing on each other, but neither if them will call each other. Since Phil has been keeping up with Dan, after he was extremely out spoken about the relationship they had and how he was depressed and how Phil just left him in London and fled somewhere unknown; Phil doesn't really want to call him, but the nag in his brain telling him he should gets louder and louder everyday.

The thing that Phil doesn't know is that Dan regrets every exposing Phil and talking about his past. He regrets it because his viewers won't stop asking about his cuts, Phil, his girlfriend; they just won't stop. There is some members of his fanbase that don't ask about such topics, they speak to Dan like the way they always have. Dan regrets ever uploading a video called "Me and Phil - What Happened" and he wants to take it down; but the likeliness of someone downloading the video and re uploading it is really high.

☾

It's now October 19th; the day that Dan met Phil for the first time and Phil was going crazy.

'I want to call him' he thought on repeat.

So call him...

Phil hesitantly picked his phone up and clicked on his contact lists, seeing Dan's number still saved as "MyBear". A single tear made its way down Phil's pale complexion. 'Why now, not now...' he thought, holding back his tears. He took a deep breath and pressed call on Dan's contact.

It rung, once, twice, three times.
Phil was losing hope at the fourth ring, but someone answered it.
Phil waited.
"Hello?"

"Hello, you've reached Dan Howells voicemail, sorry I cannot take your call. If I do not answer here, try mine and Chloes house phone, *insert number*. Thank you."

Phil wrote the number down, but had a racing thought before he dialled anything. 'He, lives with Chloe?'

Phil shook it off and began to call the number.
It rang once before someone picked up.

"Hello, this is Dan Howell, can I help?"

Phil stood in shock, 'He's okay,'

"Hello? Is this advertising?" Dan asked, sounding aggregated. "Hello?"

"H-hello Dan, it's umm, it's Phil.." Phil spoke hesitantly, holding back his tears as what came out of Dan's mouth hurt him.

"Phil who? Sorry, the only Phil I know of is the one that left everything behind."

Phil's heart shattered. Tears free rolled down his face as he snuffled.

"Wait, why are you crying, are you okay?" Dan said, sounding worried.

"It's me Phil. The one that left everything behind. It's me, your old kitten..." Phil spoke, cracking a small smile when he said kitten.

"PHIL?" Dan gasped.

"Who's Phil?" Someone; who was obviously Chloe, said in the background.

Phil's small smile soon faded to a straight line; just hearing her broke his heart.

"I, uhh, don't worry baby cakes, I'll sort it out..." Dan said, pulling the phone away from his ear.

"Oh, okay. Love you lots and lots sweetheart." She said. Phil could hear the sloppy kiss she gave him, he cringed.

"Okay," Dan began "Phil, what have you done? Where have you been? Where are you? Why did you go? Why haven't you uploaded? What hav-"

"Dan," Phil began calmly. "It's better if we meet..." Phil spoke, cutting Dan off.

"Okay okay, but I don't know where you are."

"That doesn't matter," Phil snapped. "I'll meet you where we first met.."

"What, high school?"

"Yes,"

"When?"

"Let's say, one week.."

"Okay. I'll see you soon kitten..."

(a/n: i liked this more than i thought aw...)