A Selfish Moment

9 - Jubilee - 9:30 PM

Kile's ride home is harmless enough. He doesn't make any moves on me and talks an awful lot about his family and his gym. It's charming at first, hearing about his connection with the kids in his class, and about how he had to undergo several operations to get his range of motion back, not to mention the amount of success he has had since, but he doesn't stop talking for one minute. Not once, in the twenty-minute ride home to my apartment in Forest Hills, has Kile stopped talking.

When we arrive at my apartment building, he jumps out of the driver's seat and runs around the front of the car to open my door. He opens the backseat door and gestures to pick up Aryana, who is in a zombie-like state. Aryana sits up to the edge of the back seat, looks at Kile, and then turns to me to pick her up. I shrug my shoulders at Kile, grunt as I lift Aryana into my arms, and thank him for the ride home before rushing towards my building's lobby. My evening with Kile is over.

As I walk up the four flights of stairs, wishing the elevator wasn't broken, carrying what feels like a fifty pound sack of potatoes, I think about what Everett could have seen in a girl like Jessica. Is he really that shallow? Does he really like women who speak so openly about their sexual proclivities? Was last night just a ploy to get me into bed? Before I was embarrassed for having slept with someone in such a drunken state, someone I had just met whose name I got wrong, but now I feel worse. Now, I feel like a sucker.

As soon as Aryana rolls under her plush white comforter etched with purple and pink velvety flowers, I go to my room to change into a pair of loose sweat pants and a grey, stretchy tank top. I wash my face, comb my hair into a bun, curl up onto a pile of pillows on the cast-iron bench next to my window, and call Sophie.

"No, he didn't!" she squeals after I summarize the evening and conclude the story with Everett groping Jessica right in front of me.

"Yeah," I say solemnly, "so I just got in the car and didn't look back." I pop another spoonful of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream into my mouth and snuggle my body into the pile of oversized pillows. As I gaze out my bay windows overlooking the wide lanes of Queens Boulevard, I remember the beautiful view of the East River from Everett's apartment. I wonder if Miss Fake Boobs will even notice it. The thought of Jessica waking up naked in Everett's bed tomorrow morning irks me.

"Forget about him. What did you do tonight?" I ask Sophie.

"Nothing. I watched Pride and Prejudice, again, waiting for your ass to get home. I'll come over now so we can hash out this whole Everett issue."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Come on girl," Sophie begs in a shrill voice.

"Why do you care so much about him?"

"Because...he was so into you, and you looked like you were having such a good time with him. I just...I want you to be happy, have some fun, and-"

"Get laid. I know."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing...except that I did and I don't remember it. And now he's probably going to have sex with that dumb, drunk blond and her flexible legs."

Sophie chuckles. "You don't know that, Jubilee."

"Why else would he go out with someone like that?"

"Maybe he had plans before he met you. Maybe he made new plans to get over the ego-crushing moment from this morning when you forgot his name. In either case, he hasn't done anything wrong. Just try to put yourself in his shoes. He's there with another woman, but he wants to be with you. He makes an attempt to see you alone. He actually told you how hurt he was - he put himself out there and had a moment of pure vulnerability."