The Chord to my Heart

32: Prom Ready

32: Prom Ready

Scarlett's house couldn't have come any sooner. The silence between my father and I was unbearable. The tension in the air was so thick, I was choking on it.

As he pulled into her driveway, I already had the door swinging open.

"Lyla, I love you," he said. "I always have and I always will."

When I looked at him, I saw the hurt in his eyes. A part of me wanted to believe him and say it back, wanting to let go of all this pain. But the greater part of me wouldn't allow it, holding on to every moment, every heartbreak.

The only reply I could offer him was my silence, which was saying more than my words could.

As soon as Scarlett opened the door I heard my father drive off. My face must have showed the emotions I felt, because Scarlett's eyes widened.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Not really," I said.

"Here, come in," she said, moving aside.

We went straight up to her room and she closed the door behind us.

"What happened?" she asked.

I sat on the edge of her bed, letting out a long breath.

"It's my dad. We had this fight on the way over. And I pretty much told him I hate him," I said, my eyes stinging from a fresh set of tears.

"It's gonna be okay, Lyla. You guys will figure it out. And I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it," she said, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"That's just it though. It's not about what I said. It's about the fact that it's true. I do hate him, Scar. So freaking much," I said, shaking my head.

She was silent for a few moments. I wiped at the tears that had escaped.

Finally, she said, "It's okay to hate him for now. But it won't always be like this. Once you've made peace with your mom being gone, you will be able to make peace with him as well. Trust me, things will change with time."

"I'll never be able to fix things with him. Too much has happened. We'll never have a normal relationship," I said.

"You might not have this great relationship with him, but you have to forgive him and forgive your mom. For your own sake, not theirs."

Her words made more sense to me than anything else that had happened these last few months. I was lost since my mom died, trying to find a way to move on. What I didn't realize was that for me to be okay, I had to forgive them. Not to make them happy. But to make me happy. This burden was too heavy for me to carry. Until I let some of it go, I would never be able to be okay again.

"You're right. There's a lot of fixing that needs to be done," I said, letting out a breath.