5SOS imagines and preferences

Anxiety Attack

Ashton

I had made sure to never tell me how things really were, how bad things could really get in my head. I would just find myself watching myself spiraling out of control unable to stop. So Ashton never knew that I could be a disaster blowing around the pieces of life into chaos like a hurricane. I tried to keep it so he hardly even saw me picking up the pieces afterwards. After all the years, I’d gotten better at that part. I got better of hiding things.

But I had never planned for a crowd to swarm us. Really I should have but you know that they say hindsight is always clearer. They just started swarming him and by extension me and the second his fingers fell from my hands, I felt my chest close off. My chest started to violently heave trying to get air while my vision got blurry and my awareness faded away into an out of body experience. I looked around, nothing that I could make out, only outlines of people and stuff.

I struggled to look for a way out, just any way out, any way I could use to get out and get to where I could breathe. I hated when I couldn’t even breathe and this is so different from Asthma since a puff of an inhaler wouldn’t do a damned thing.

“Y/N?” I somehow heard Ashton say over the crowd. I was too busy spinning, spinning in place and spinning out of control, to notice. It just registered but I was already too far gone to do anything.

Please just let it be over I prayed in my head. I tried to control myself, nothing was doing the trick.

“Ash, look at her.” I heard Calum say to my left but again, I only registered his words. I didn't think twice of them.

“What…” I heard Ashton say. Right then I couldn’t even register the words anymore, just that they were saying everything and Ashton’s voice was raised. I could feel the gawking of the fan girls surrounding me. I could feel their eyes and it definitely wasn’t helping me. 

I still couldn’t breathe. All I wanted to do was breathe. All I wanted was air inside my lungs, my lunges were burning, it feels as if someone made me drink gasoline and then stuck a lit match down my throat. It's burning.

I vaguely felt a hand on my arm pulling me through and I saw my environment begin to change. The crowd faded away into less occupied halls and I remember stumbling over stairs and down more hallways and going through a room then out onto a balcony. The fresh air was such a relief that I just sank to the floor.

Many moments of sobbing and catching my breath later, I realized someone was with me and they were talking.

“…What just happened to you? Are you ok? Calum said we should consider calling an ambulance. If you’re having like a panic attack we should call an ambulance. God, I feel like I’m gonna be sick. Are you ok? Can you breathe? Are you ok? Please talk to me…” They were saying. Out of the corners of my eye I could see them pacing. Steadily my head cleared and my breathing evened out and I could finally be aware of my environment again. Then I realized that it was Ashton.

My heart started to pound with worry but it wasn’t another anxiety attack, just worry about how he was going to react when I explained it to him, the way I am that's my biggest worry right now.

“It wasn’t a panic attack, but it was like one. Some water and time and I’ll be ok…” I started before trailing off saying nothing. Ash let out a sigh of relief and knelt in front of me to meet my eyes.

“So what was it?” He asked sincerely. I took a deep, shaky breath.

“An anxiety attack. Not severe enough to go to the hospital thankfully.” I said and he looked at me for a moment before speaking.