Jeff the Killer Vs. The World

Jeff vs. the Amnesia Monster

It all started when Jeff got really, really drunk...

Jeff: *snores and startles himself awake*. Awa??? Oh damn, I gots me a hangover! What did I do last night? I don't remember anything! I hope I didn't marry a prostitute in Vegas... *scratches face and notices a ring on his left ring finger* Oh come on...! Not again!

A sudden sharp ringing fills Jeff's head and he groans.

Jeff: Dammit! I need to find some aspirin or something... *gets up and looks throughout the room and finds a vial of green liquid in a dresser. It's labeled Laudanum* Ladanadanadanam? Oooh this looks deadly.... I'LL DRINK IT! *gulps it down like nothing* Hey I feel a lot better now! Now all I need to do is get back to the mansion and everything will be fine.

Jeff goes towards the bedroom door and opens it to reveal a pitch black hallway.

Jeff:.........nope *shuts the door* I need to find a light source. But where could I find one here?!

A lantern suddenly flies at his face and he falls back.

Jeff: Well....that was easy.....my face really hurts now...

Jeff gets up, lights the lantern with the oil it has in it and walks out into the creepy dark hallway. He explores the area for quite a while, finds tinder boxes to light up random candles, finds more Laudanum and other vials labeled "Sanity Potion". He finds more oil and eventually stumbles upon a key.

Jeff: Handy! There was one door that was locked a while ago. This should work! *finds a locked door and unlocks it with the key*

He walks through the door and it suddenly shuts closed behind him. It can't open and just when he was about to panic there was a loud deep growl.

Jeff: Oh fuck no! D:

???: Psst, buddy...hey buddy...!

Jeff: Who said that?! O_o

???: Calm the fuck down, spazz. Listen carefully, you gotta hide quick. Go behind those barrels in the corner and stay there until I say it's clear.

Jeff: Why should I trust you, mysterious being?

Another loud growl.

Jeff: okay I'll go. *finds the barrels and hides*

Everything went smoothly as a deformed monster came into the room and searched for Jeff. So far the monster was having no such luck and Jeff was starting to relax. Until one of the barrels tipped over and the rest did too, catching the monsters attention.

Jeff: What the fuck, barrels?!?! D:< I HATE YOU!

Barrels: We hate you too Jeff

Jeff: WTF?!

???: RUN YOU IDIOT!!!

Jeff: *screams like a girl and wiggles arms in the air as he runs*

Monster: RAWWRRRR

Jeff: DONT KILL MEEEEEHHHH!!!!! IM NOT TASTY! I TASTE LIKE FAILURE!!!

Monster: RAWWRRRR!!!!

Jeff: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

After running around the area for a while, Jeff lost the monster and made his way back into the room he was previously in.

Jeff: What the hell is going on here...? I need to leave soon or else that monster is gonna kill me.

???: Hey, buddy! If you wanna get out of here, you're going to need my help.

Jeff: It's mysterious stranger again! :D

???: *sigh* yes now come by this shelf and get me.

Jeff: *walks to shelf* Where are you?

???: On the shelf

Jeff: No you're not! All I see is books, a golden statue and Justin Bieber albums -lemme throw those out real quick. *throws albums to the floor and breaks them*

???: I'm next to the books!

Jeff: Nu yur not!! D:< *shoves things aside* I see nothing!!!

???: OW! Careful you idiot!

Jeff: ARGH! IM SO FRUSTRATED THAT I COULD JUST GRAB THIS GOLDEN STATUE- *grabs statue* -AND JUST THROW IT TO THE FLOOR, POSSIBLY BREAKING ITS HEAD OFF IN THE PROCESS!!! *raises statue in the air*

???: NONONONONONONO!!!! PUT ME DOOOOOWWN!!!!

Jeff: O_o Wait a minute...are you the golden statue?

???: YES!

Jeff: you can talk?!

???: YES!

Jeff: Snappy snoo! Kewl! :D Whats you're name?

???: My name is Stephano...

Jeff: FANCEH! Let's go on adventures Stephano! Come on!

Stephano: Okay but you have to listen to me if you want to make it out, got it?

Jeff: Okay!

Stephano: Good. Now start shutting the fuck up and walk out into the other hall...!

Jeff: Got it! :P

And so Jeff and Stephano explored the new area, collecting many things that would help them out on their journey.

Jeff: Okay we got as many things as we can. Can we go into the new area now?

Stephano: I think so

Jeff: Let's go! :D *opens door that leads to new area*

Stephano: Be careful Jeff. I sense danger nearby.

Jeff: I don't see anything odd about this place-

Something flies at Jeff's face and he screams.

Jeff: HOLY SHEIT!!! WTF WAS THAT?!?! *looks down at a dead naked guy* AW WTF?!?!? D:< TELEPORTING NAKED GUY!!! GROSS!!!

Stephano: Yeah those guys come around a lot. They sometimes have orgies. It's fucking terrible.

Jeff: Ew....I actually kinda want to see that...

Stephano: I'm sure we'll run into a group of them later.

Jeff: Yay!

Stephano: -_- anyways lets move on

Jeff: Alright! *starts walking again when another teleporting naked guy pops up in his face* AW FUCK! MY MOUTH WAS OPEN!!!!!

Several minutes later Jeff and Stephano found a blocked path that needed to be taken away by acid and nearby was a chemical lab. They found instructions for acid and searched for the ingredients. They found all of the needed items and worked on the acid.

Jeff: god this stuff smells horrible

Stephano: Well what did you expect?

Jeff: Gee I dunno, maybe for it to not smell like death?

Stephano: Just keep mixing

Jeff: Hey after this you wanna start a meth lab?! :D I'll go by the name Heisenburg and get cancer and you can be my meth buddy!

Stephano: Can we deal cocaine too?

Jeff: Sure! :D

Stephano: Okay I'll do it.

Jeff: Fuck yeah!

After creating the acid and clearing the blocked path, they went into the next area that was filled with water.

Jeff: Aw my shoes got wet...

Stephano: You'll survive

Something in the water splashed and both of them got sacred.

Stephano: Shit! It's the water monster! Quick! Get on something!

Jeff: Crap! *jumps on a floating crate* Made it! :D *falls as crate breaks under his weight* Dammit! I thought WeightWatchers was working!!!

Stephano: SHUT UP AND RUN FATASS!!!

Jeff: *runs through the water as he cries*

Jeff loses the water monster as he gets onto a higher floor and rests.

Stephano: We lost it. Thank god.

Jeff: Yeah but we should keep going so we can get out of here.

Stephano: Okay. Move on.

Jeff: Alright! *walks forward and then gasps out of excitement* HOLY SHEIT STEPHANO! WE FINALLY FOUND A TELEPORTING NAKED GUY ORGY!!! IT'S GLORIOUS! *-*

Stephano: Uh yeah... ._.

Jeff: Imma put this on Tumblr! *takes pics of the orgy* WERK IT!!!

Stephano: Can we go now?! o_o

Jeff: Fine -_-

Jeff leaves the orgy behind and walks around to discover a kitchen and storage rooms with food still inside.

Jeff: FEWD!!!! IM SO HUNGIES!

Stephano: Eat up and get energy, Jeff. I sense more danger here. You'll need it.

Jeff: Okay! *picks up a loaf of bread* Omnomnomnom!!!

???: You eat that bread real nice...

Jeff: WTF?! *chokes on bread*

Stephano: Who's there? O_o

???: Why don't you come over here and find out? ;)

Stephano: I sense potential rape going on...

Jeff: Relax, Stephano! I'm sure things are fine.

???: Your ass looks fine...

Jeff: Thank you :D

Stephano: wtf...

Jeff: *searches for the potential rapist and finds a dead pig lying around* Where the hell are you? *grabs pig*

???: Yeah go on and squeeze my ass..

Jeff: Don't tell me that you're the pig...

???: Yup

Jeff: ......................PIGGEH!!!!!!

Stephano: -_-

Piggeh: HEYYYY!!!! Wanna join the orgy of naked guys with me?

Jeff: Nah I've had my share

Stephano: What?! When?! O_O

Jeff: I don't know

Piggeh: Ah so you'd be up for it some other time?

Jeff: Yeah probably

Stephano: What?!

Piggeh: Calm your tits, Stephano. Yo just jelly! O3o

Stephano: No I'm not -.-

Jeff: Guys shut up! I know I'm fabulous but calm the fuck down! Now why don't we all get out of here together?

Piggeh: Sure!

Stephano: I guess...

Jeff: Great! ONWARD MY FRIENDS!!!

And so with the new addition of Piggeh, the trio was able to cover more ground and get to a new area, with the help of Piggeh.

Piggeh: Hey Jeff

Jeff: What?

Piggeh: Who are you married to?

Jeff: *looks at the ring on his finger and frowns* I don't really know...

Stephano: Let's hope it wasn't a prostitute

Jeff: That's what I said too

Piggeh: I used to be a prostitute....

Jeff & Stephano: ._.

Piggeh: I gots lots of pretty flowers tho :3

Jeff: Anyways let's keep moving-

Monster: RAWWRRRR

Stephano: Shit! He's back!

Jeff: Fuck we gotta hide!

Piggeh: You guys go on without me! I'll distract it with my sexy body!

Jeff: No Piggeh! It's too risky!

Piggeh: I'm the very definition of risky! And STDs BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT! Go my, rape buddies! I'll see you.....on the other side...! *flies away towards the sounds of the monster* I'M PUMPED!!!!

Jeff: Piggeh );

Stephano: Come on! We gotta go! Don't let Piggeh's sacrifice be in vain!

Jeff: Okay ); *runs off with Stephano to hide from the monster*

After minutes of trying to find a hiding spot, Jeff and Stephano found nothing.

Stephano: Shit what do we do?!

Jeff: I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!! ;A;

???: Hey I can help you two!

Stephano: Really? Then help us!

???: Alright! What you need to do is pretty simple!

Jeff: What?

???: Go into Chairmode!

Stephano: Chairmode?

???: Yes! Act like a chair! *hears growls and gasps* CHAIRMODE ACTIVATE! ~boop~

Jeff: We have no other choice Stephano! *crouches down and sets Stephano down*

Stephano: Ready?

Jeff: Yeah!

Jeff & Stephano: CHAIRMODE ACTIVATE!!! ~boop~

Monster: RAWWRRRR *comes into the room and searches for Jeff*

Jeff & Stephano: *still in Chairmode*

Monster: *obliviously passes Jeff and Stephano like they're not there*

Jeff: *looks at monster* *whispers* ugh dat ass...

Stephano: *whisper yells* Stop staring! He'll eventually notice you if you do...!

Jeff: But he's so sexy...

Stephano: Wtf?

Monster: RAWWRRRR *gives up and walks away from the two*

Jeff: Holy shit! Chairmode worked!

???: You're welcome :3

Stephano: How can we ever repay you?

???: Just escape the castle! It's the least you could do for everyone!

Jeff: What's you're name?

???: just call me Mr. Chair.

Stephano: Thank you, Mr. Chair!

Mr. Chair: No problem. :)

Jeff: We should go. Hey, Mr. Chair, where's the exit?

Mr. Chair: After this area, you have one more left and then you can escape.

Jeff: Thanks again! Bye, Mr. Chair! :D

Mr. Chair: Bye! :)

Jeff and Stephano left Mr. Chair and passed into the new and final area.

Jeff: After this, we're home free

Stephano: I cannot wait until then

???: *bellowing voice* Not so fast!

Jeff: GAWD DAMMIT WHAT NOW?!

An old man comes out of the shadows (practically naked) and a strange aura surrounds him.

Jeff: Wtf? Put some more clothes on bro

Stephano: You! D:<

Jeff: Who is that guy?

???: I am the Baron Alexander of the Prussian Brennenburg Castle that you now stand in! And you will not be escaping my great castle alive....!

Jeff: Well shit -_-

Stephano: How come you are back?! I thought Daniel killed you long ago?!

Alexander: You should've guessed that he didn't, considering that this castle is still thriving!

Stephano: Well then no worries! I'm sure Jeffery will defeat you! And he'll make sure that you stay defeated! >:[

Jeff: I didn't sign up for any of this

Alexander: Oh but my dear golden statue, he will help me bring back the the Shadow I banished long ago, to bring a rein of terror on humanity!

Jeff: I'm gonna what?!

Stephano: Here read this. *hands him a phone with the Amnesia Wikipedia on it*

Jeff: *reads the plot* Oh fuck...! D:<

Alexander: That's right, my killer! >:)

Jeff: I REALLY didn't sign up for this -_-

Stephano: Let's just escape! D:

Alexander: There is no escape! *evil laughter*

Jeff: Well, I guess...this is it my golden friend... );

Stephano: Farewell, my retarded serial killer... );

Jeff: *cries*

Stephano: *also cries*

Monster: RAWWRRRR!

Jeff: Aw come on! Not now you son of a bitch! We're having a very sad moment here! D;<

Monster: RAWWRRRR!

Alexander: Dammit! What now, you grotesque beast?!

Monster: >:( *walks up to Alexander and suddenly eats him whole*

Jeff & Stephano: O_O

Monster: *burp*

Jeff: Well....I guess that's it then-

Monster: RAWWRRRR

Stephano: It's still going to kill you! D:

Jeff: Glob darn it! >:[

Monster: *swipes claws at Jeff*

Jeff: *dodges*

Monster: *charges towards him*

Jeff: oh shit o_o *gets tackled down*

Monster: RAWWRRRR

Jeff: *struggles to get away and then notices something* Wait...OH MY GLOB!!!! OAO *notices a ring on the monster*

Stephano: Aw bro that's nasty...

Jeff: I'M MARRIED TO THIS??!

Monster: RAWWRRRR

Jeff: Oh god!!!! So sexy!

Stephano: What?!

Monster: RAWWRRRR~ *seductive growl*

Jeff: >;)

Monster: *slightly swoons* RAWWRRRR

Jeff: *notices movement behind the monster and smirks* So honey since we're married you wanna go to Fiji and- NOW PIGGEH!!!!

Piggeh: IIIIIMMMMMMMM PUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPED!!!!!!!!!! *tackles the monster off of Jeff*

Stephano: You're back? Oh my glob I can't believe you're back! :D

Piggeh: That's right! >:D Nobody can kill sexiness!

Jeff: Now it's time to defeat this monster and get the flip out of here! *takes out his knife in his pocket* I may not remember anything about me except my own name but I do know that I have a home! *charges and jumps up* AND THIS ISN'T MY HOME!!!!!!!!

Stephano & Piggeh: :D

Monster: RAWWRRRR O_O

Jeff: *switches knife with a document and smacks it in the monsters face* SIGN THIS GOD DAMN DIVORCE PAPER!!!!

Stephano & Piggeh & Monster: ????

*spongebob guy* Ten minutes later~

Jeff: Alright! Now I'm not married to a monster anymore!

Monster: :(

Stephano: He still wants to be married to someone tho :/

Piggeh: I won't volunteer as tribute ._.

Jeff: Relax guys! I got someone even better for him :)

*spongebob guy* Three hours later~

Jeff: I now pronounce you...HUSBAND AND BARRELS!

Barrels: WTF JEFF?!? D:<

Jeff: IN YO FACE BYATCH!!!!

Barrels: We'll get you for this Jeff!!

Jeff: Shut the fuck up and ride off into the sunset. *slaps the ass of a white horse and watches as it runs off along with the pretty carriage that the monster and the barrels are in*

Barrels: CURSE YOU JEEEEEEFFFF!!!!

Jeff: Well now that that's settled we can finally escape the castle!

Piggeh: I'm gonna stay

Jeff & Stephano: WHAT?!

Piggeh: I'm gonna stay guys. I'm going to fix this castle and make it new again! I'll turn it into a PlayBoy castle ;)

Jeff: Oh Piggeh :)

Stephano: We're going to miss you buddy

Piggeh: We'll see each other again soon. And once this place is a PlayBoy castle you guys will always get free entry and tons of hot babes!

Jeff: You're the best Piggeh! :D

Piggeh: And don't forget it! *z snap* Farewell my rape buddies! I'll never forget you! *floats away* you guys should probably get tested....! *disappears into another part of the castle*

Stephano: Are you a little worried about that last sentence-?

Jeff: No time! Come on Stephano!

Stephano: Uh ok...

Jeff: *grabs Stephano and walks up to a set of giant double doors that lead to escape* Ready, golden buddy?

Stephano: Ready! :)

Jeff: :) *pushes doors open and steps out into bright light*


At the mansion~

EJ: *walks past a closet while reading a newpaper*

Jeff: *tumbles out of the closet along with everything else in it*

EJ: Wtf...? *looks behind him and gasps* JEFF! THERE YOU ARE! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU BRO?! YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT

Jeff: Jack!!! *gets up and hugs him* Oh you won't believe it Jack! *explains his whole adventure* :D

EJ: ........You must've gotten really drunk...

Jeff: But it really happened Jack! *points to closet* Just look through and see the castle....wait...*examines closet* It's...it's just a closet...

EJ: Yes and this is a newspaper *holds up paper*

Jeff: *rummages through the closet* But I came out through here! The castle should be on the other side! It should be here!!!

EJ: Why don't you go and rest Jeff? You need the sleep *walks away and continues reading his newspaper*

Jeff: *mutters to himself* It was right here... Well maybe it was all my imagination or a dream...then that means.......*gasps* No! STEPHANO!!! *searches through the closet's junk and doesn't find him* No....stephano.... *starts to cry and sits down only to sit on something sharp* OW MY ASS! D:< WTF?! *picks up the object he sat on and gasps* Oh my glob *stares awe struck at a familiar looking golden statue* Stephano...! Oh my glob Stephano you made it! WE made it buddy! *hugs Stephano* Talk to me buddy! Say something! :D

Stephano: ...

Jeff: Golden buddy?

Stephano: ...

Jeff: buddy....? :( *realization hits him and he knows that Stephano has lost his ability to speak, he's just a statue now* Stephano....

Stephano: ...

Jeff: Don't worry, golden buddy, I'll still take care of you! I won't fail to show you the world beyond the Brennenburg castle! Come on, buddy.....let's go on another adventure! *gets up and walks away, seeking out another journey*



Winner- Jeff







& Stephano :3





- I made this one Pewdiepie style xD hope the fans enjoyed this :3