BTS WINGS

HOSEOK - MAMA

{Trigger Warning: Please do not read this if you're uncomfortable with mental and/or suicidal conditions}

Why must I remember? That day that my mother left my father. Her words rung through my head each day.

'I don't want this, I don't want a family.'

Just like that she left me alone. My father paid no attention to me, only focusing on his own well beings. I guess that's why I was like that. After my mother had left, I couldn't feel anything. It's like she took my emotions along with her. My character, my personality, everything about me was erased. I became nothing but a empty vessel.

I tried everything to feel again, drugs, money, sex, alcohol but nothing worked. No amount of woman made me smile. No injection made my heartbeat increase. No drink filled my nothingness.

Yet I remember, the day in which I truly I felt again. A slip of the hand and the knife had cut the tip of my finger, panic had surged through me as I watched the crimson liquid pour from the wound. It hurt. For years I had forgotten what it was like to have emotion to have feelings and when an opportunity like regaining it occurred, there was no way in hell I was missing out on it.

When the cut had healed and all pain had left my body, I found myself craving for the feeling again. That day I reached out for the knife again, this time with intent. It was a magnificent feeling something I thought would never return to me. A rush of adrenaline went through me as the cold still pricked at my skin. The blade danced along my wrist and I was pulled to the feeling.

It was more addicting then any drug was. It made me feel alive. Until someone else came along and gave me life. I had only just finished high school at the time, my anxiety and paranoia was at its peak and yet, he still came up to me. He talked to me, made me feel special. He introduced me to new friends and before I knew it he helped me heal. That man gave me life- emotion to hold onto. Seokjin helped me return to my former self. Overtime he found a partner for me and the two of us grew fond of each quickly saying our pre-marriage vows on our one year anniversary. But that's when it all collapsed.

Seokjin was sick, my love grew weary and my friends begin to fade. My life at the moment was almost at it's end and yet someone still wanted me to suffer.

On the day I took those pills, the grim reaper laughed at me throwing my worthless life back at me. He never gave me the relief of death. Because of my previous history I was sent to a clinic for sick people, there I met with Jimin who was in for the same reason. Attempted suicide.

There our friendship developed. There we planned to escape. There was where I lost my friend. Here I am locked up.

Here I am alone.

{So my original plan was to release all these in the order that the short films came out but this book has been on hiatus too long so here ya go fam}