What I Found

My Banana is Your Banana

You sit in the lunch room. It's the first day of school and you're just trying to get by if we're going to be honest here.

Sixth grade is quite scary and you haven't seen Ally, Normani, Camila or Dinah at all today.

You sit alone, green eyes staring at the brown paper back crinkled from where your hand death gripped that bag not so long ago.

A girl with short brown hair walks in through the doors and you're struck with a sudden... happiness. The girl turns and looks at you then runs towards the table you're sitting at. She knows you and you know her, she is your crush after all.

"LAUREN!", she exclaimed reaching her arms around your neck.

"CAMILA!", you excitedly yell back to her as your arms wrap around her waist and you hoist her body off the ground.

The close proximity between you two makes you almost want to faint. She smells like lavender and roses, she feels warm but it is Miami so it usually is warm, she's so beautiful and you're here with her.

Your embrace ends and you both sit at the table. You open your bag as Camila starts talking about how her day has been so far and you pay attention to every word she says.

As you reach in and grab the yellow piece of fruit Camila stops talking. Her hand delicately touches yours and you look to her. Her face is really close and you blush, like redder than your worst sunburn blush.

"Can I have this?"

You look to what she's asking for, the banana, her favorite fruit.

"My banana is your banana Camz."

It comes out as almost a whisper because you're afraid your voice would fail you if you spoke any louder.

She smiles and kisses your cheek while she takes the banana and starts to eat.

You smile because she's happy, you made her happy.

The next few weeks you both sit at lunch and you realized you have all the same classes, you were just too occupied in yourself to notice she was called Karla during role and not Camila like you're used to hearing.

But you digress. Everyday you brought Camila a banana and you've learned for every banana is a kiss on the cheek. How amazing. A kiss for a piece of fruit.

One day though, there were no bananas in the house. Once lunch came around you became quiet. You didn't want to disappoint Camila but most of all you wanted that kiss.

You got up from your seat, asking someone to hold your seat as you ran around looking for a banana. In a stroke of disappointment you walk back to the table empty handed. No banana, no kiss.

You sit down, evidently upset.

"What's wrong babe?"

You look up, Camila is there smiling away with her beautiful soft lips that you won't get a kiss from today.

"Oh, nothing it's stupid really."

You do your best to smile up at the girl but you can't find it in you when you know you can't give her a banana.

"Lolo seriously what's up?"

You look to the brown paper bag you've been clutching all day. Looking to Camila you confess.

"I don't have a banana for you today and I feel bad. I went around the whole cafeteria and no one has one I'm really sorry Camila."

Of course, you leave out the part of wanting her kiss.

She looks at your bag and then to you. She sits down next to you and kisses your cheek.

Your face burns as you look to her and you wonder why she kissed you with no banana.

"It's the thought that counts Lauren. Thank you for being considerate enough to even look for a banana for me none the less give them to me every day."

You fall into a soft conversation and everything goes fuzzy after that.

I wake up with tears streaming down my face. The word why can only escape my mouth.

Dinah walks into the room and holds me. She whispers to me it'll be okay. That I'll be okay.

I grab the moon pendant and it's almost pulsing in my hands. My tears flow down my face and I wonder... who is this affecting me?

On a beach in West Miami, Coconut Grove, a young girl looks at the moon holding onto a unicorn and dragon stuffed animal, special made for her by the girl she loved.

She touched her chest lightly brushing the sun pendant with a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I'll find you I promise."

She sits in the sand and stares at the moon, thinking of the one she lost.

//

I'm still in love with you, and I hope you know.