What I Found

Do You Love Me?

"Do you love me Lolo?"

You smile at her.

Her delicate face gently rests on your pillow. Her bare body is covered by the sheets of your bed and you don't have to worry about your Papa walking in as he's out on business.

"I'm in love with you Camila. I could never stop loving you."

It's been two years almost.

You and Camila.

You made it official a couple weeks after homecoming and it's been beautiful ever since. Yes you've had your fights and yes you've had those bitty road bumps that turn into mountains but you got through them.

You two can get through anything.

You go in to kiss Camila and she stopped you.

"Morning breath baby."

You sigh and roll your eyes.

"Ugh CAMILA I literally put my mouth on your vagina and I can kiss you after but the fact I have morning breath grosses you out."

She laughs.

"Yes and for the record I never ask you to kiss me afterwards."

She gets up from the bed and puts on your softball sweatshirt with a pair of spandex that came from her bag.

You shuffle off the bed to throw on some sweats and a t-shirt you regularly practice in.

You walk into the bathroom and stand behind Camila as you brush your teeth holding onto her waist and making funny faces at her as you go on with your morning with her.

Perfect life, right there.

Your moon pendant touches her skin and she stares at it.

"You okay baby?"

You've always been concerned for Camila. How could you not be. She's the only person you care more about than yourself or your Papa in this world (plus the girls and Sophia but they don't need to know) and you can tell when she's distressed.

"What if something happens to one of us Lolo?"

You look at her in confusion.

"What do we do then? Like what if you forget me or I forget you or either of us forget everything that happened between us in this time between us?"

At this point she's looking at you. She seated herself on the sink and you bring yourself closer to her.

You stare deeply into her eyes.

"Nothing will happen to us, I promise."

And you kiss her with your minty fresh breathe.

Crashing glass.

"YOU PROMISED ME!"

I yelled at that stupid picture on my bedside table.

"YOU FUCKING PROMISED ME LAUREN HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!"

I sank to my knees. She promised me with this necklace. She promised me with a kiss. She promised me with sex. She promised me with love. She promised me with family. She promised me with forever. She promised me a lifetime.

She promised me she'd never forget.

Look where I am now. Here with my girlfriend who forgot everything and it's my fault.

Entirely.

If I'd never fought with her, she would've never left.

It's my fault she walked out.

She accused me of cheating. She said that Austin was up to no good and I was a bad girlfriend for being friends with a boy who couldn't get over obsessive puppy love.

She was right.

She usually was.

I was so mad at her though. Why would she think I was cheating if I've loved her since I saw her coloring that damn horse in kindergarten.

I've loved her for a while and I couldn't get over the fact that she'd blame me for loving another.

So she left.

I yelled for her to stop with tears streaming down my face from the screaming match we just had.

She was walking to the beach where we had our first date and our first non lust driven kiss.

She walked into the street and I screamed at her to stop but it was too late. By the time I knew it an almost lifeless Lauren Jauregui was lying in my arms as the driver of the car called 911.

I almost lost her, my pendant was ice cold for months. Her coma wasn't getting better but I knew she'd wake up.

She'd wake up to forget me.

The doctors said since I caused her so much stress that the brain had to lose the stress to help itself and she forgot me.

Memories are stronger than dreams though, I hope in this case it's true.

She woke up in a few months time but she only remembered Dinah, Mani and Ally.

I sobbed for nights on end but I won't give up.

I won't give up for her.

"I won't give up on you Lauren."

And I went back. I went back to West Miami to our little house in Coconut Grove and fixed it all.

I fixed it all in hoping what I found would be so beautiful and storming at the same time that this house could handle it.

That I could handle it.

That we could handle it.

//

My heart is beating just for you.