For Phil {Completed}

Seven

"... Isn't there something you can do to make sure he wakes up?" the voice sounded angry, yet was sprinkled with sadness. It was a tone I had never heard from Phil, and it made me sad. Why was he talking like that? And what was he saying? Who was he talking to"

"I'm sorry, sir, there is nothing we can do. We've had the tube hooked up to him for three days now, and we've taken all teh drastic measures we can/ I'm terribly sorry, but I can't do anything more." The female voice said kindly yet sadly. Why did everyone sound so sad? And who were they talking about?

"Okay," Phil said, sounding defeated. "Okay, thank you." His voice was almost a whisper. I heard the squeak of a door open and a low clank as it closed. It was silent for a moment before there was a loud and metal-filled clash. I would have jumped, but for some reason I couldn't. It was then I realized I couldn't move at all. Why can't I move, or open my eyes, or talk? What's going on?

"God, dammit," Phil said, the last word being a clear shout. His angry-sad tone was kept though as another metal-filled clash rang through my ears. I hated the sound, but obviously couldn't do anything about it. "I knew there was something wrong, I knew, and I didn't do anything. I could have helped you, Dan. I could have fucking helped you and I didn't. I'm so sorry." His angry tone faded the more he spoke, turning into complete sadness. I wanted to tell him it was okay and ask him what the problem was. What's going on?

"Can you hear me, Dan? Can people hear everything around them when they're in a coma?" Wait, am I in a coma? I must be, what else would he be talking about. "I hope so. I really hope so," he said, trailing off. It was quiet for a moment, as if he was waiting for me to answer. And then he took my hand, squeezing it tightly before speaking. "You fainted due to malnutrition. When you fell, you hit your head pretty hard. The impact mixed with your state sent you into a coma. They said there's a pretty high possibility you're anorexic... Why didn't you tell me, Dan? Why didn't you let me help you? I thought there might be something wrong, but you said no and I didn't want to pressure you. I'm so sorry, Dan. I'm so fucking sorry." Why was he apologizing? There's nothing he could have done, and I never would have told him. There's nothing really wrong with me. They're all just over exaggerating.

"Promise me you'll wake up, Dan? I need you. I want to help you, I want to make you okay..." he said, laying a kiss on my hand. I'm trying, I wanted to tell him. I just don't know how.

It's been almost two weeks, I think, that I've been in a coma. It's hard to keep track of the time when you're in a fucking coma, but I manage. I didn't think it would last this long, and by the sound of it, neither did the doctors and nurses. I guess my brain is just too fucked up to handle a little fainting and a hard hit to the ground. But maybe it's a sign, a sign I shouldn't wake up. That the world would just be better off without me, and to just stay asleep until they pull the plug.

Phil and different nurses keep telling me it's my choice if I want to wake up or not, and I can just drop it all or wake up. But I don't know what they mean, or how to make the choice. I don't even know what I want. Do I really want to die? What about Phil? Is he really worth it? I've had two weeks to think about it, but I still didn't have an answer. Phil has been in my room everyday after school, very rarely leaving my side. He sits and holds my hand, talking about school and stuff, occasionally kissing my hand or forehead.

It was the quivering in his voice as he said, "it's okay to let go. You can let go, Dan," that I knew I didn't want. I didn't want to let go. I had to do it for Phil. I would take brutal beatings from my mum everyday to stay here for Phil. I don't know how, but I have to wake up. For Phil, I thought.

"-and we got to choose partners for the project. I wish you could've been there," he said, taking my hand in his. I had been waiting for this moment since earlier this afternoon, when I realized I was staring at the door to my hospital room. He had a loose grip on my hand, so I wiggled my hand a bit and tightened my grip.

"D-Dan?" I slowly opened my eyes to see Phil staring at me with a look of bewilderment and a bit happiness. His eyes were wide and unblinking, his mouth opened only a bit in awe. My throat hurt and I knew my voice would be hoarse and crack, but I managed to try and speak.

"H-He-"

"Dan!" I didn't have time to finish before Phil had his arms wrapped around my neck, holding me close, and his lips were on my forehead. "I'm so happy that you're up, Dan. So happy," I heard his muffled voice say as his head was on my shoulder.

"M-me too," I managed. Was I happy thought? I mean Phil seems happy, but other than him, what else do I have to live for? My mum beating me everyday for being a useless fag? And then I remembered my dad. There was no doubt my mum had my dad at home now, and he would just be another person to beat me senseless. Is Phil worth it? I hope so.

"I'm going to go get the nurse, okay? I'll be right back," Phil said, detaching himself from my neck. I nodded and watched him almost run out of the room.  

I ended this chapter at a bad stop I'm so sorry. I just couldn't end it anywhere else without making it too short or too long. Anyway, Hi! How are you doing? What was the highlight of your day, the absolute best thing that happened? Whether it was the clothes you wore that made you feel good, or the way someone looked at you or something someone said, there's a little good in everyday.  I don't want to ramble too much more, so I'm just going to say you're amazing, you're worth everything and more. I hope you have/had a wonderful day and night. <3 Thank you and goodbye! ^-^