One Liners [I]

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01. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

02. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

03. Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

04. I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

05. I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.

06. Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.

07. Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

08. If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

09. When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the medicines they must be on.

10. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

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