It's Just Me

Who are you?

I'm contemplating whether I should answer. It's still relatively early and if I didn't pick up, I could call him back later and say I was sleeping. But no... I've been waiting to hear from him, even though I was beginning to lose hope. Why now? Why not this time yesterday, Christian? I sigh, shaking my head slightly. I'm such an idiot.

"Hello?" I say, my voice still groggy. 

"Hey... did I wake you up?"

"No, no you didn't. I just could answer straight away." My heart starts beating faster in anticipation of what he's going to say next.

"I'm sorry I'm calling you just now. But I hope you can understand that."

"I do, of course I do. I'm glad to be talking to you at all." I tell him and I feel myself smile a little. He obviously has a bigger effect on me than I thought. 

"Can I come over tonight, after work?"

"Sure, I'll be home by then." I shut my eyes, realizing what I said. "I'm... having my nails done."

"Oh? It's barely 11 am."

Goddamn. 

"I know, it's the only time that worked for me. I start rehearsals tomorrow."

"Right, right." He replies, but I don't think he believes me. "So, when's a good time then?"

"Whenever you finish work, I'll be waiting with dinner."

We hung up after that and I let out a heavy breath, before I get startled by Lindsey's voice from behind. I turn around and stare at him, he's only in his boxers and I can't stop myself from wondering, how the hell does he still look so good? He's sixty seven for God's sake!

He, on the other hand, is looking at me and it almost seems to me like he's hurt. I knew it was a mistake, last night... 

"So, you're leaving then?"

"Do you want me to go?" I ask back.

"Clearly, you have to get home and start working on that dinner." He says and his demeanor since yesterday has changed. 

Lindsey walks past me and into the kitchen, as I follow, getting a glass and filling it with water, he downs it quickly. "Don't be like that."

"Like what?" He glances me, before diverting his eyes again. "There's someone else you'd rather be with than me."

"Lindsey, I didn't say that last night was going to lead us somewhere. We talked and I got emotional, and..."

"And I was right there, as always."

"I didn't use you if that's what you're implying."

"Didn't you?" He crosses his arms, locking our eyes. "We slept together, you'll be satisfied for a while, so you'll treat me like shit and won't see me or answer my calls, until the next time is convenient for you? When you and Christian have another fight?"

I'm already regretting it as I'm saying it. "Well, I can't remember you pushing me away, though."

He sighs exasperated, throwing his hands in the air. "Because I love you!"

"Stop saying that."

"Why would I? It's how I feel. Apparently you don't anymore. You just can't seem to sleep alone at night any longer, so you came to me, knowing I wasn't going to turn you down."

"That's not at all what last night was." I shake my head slightly. "I didn't come here, planning on us to have sex. I came here, wanting to explain myself."

"It was a win win, wasn't it?"

"Why are you being so mean?" I can't deny that I'm hurt by his words a little. "Did you remember me saying, that Christian and I were done? That now you and I can be together again? If not that, then have yet another affair? I didn't."

"No, you're right. You didn't tell me that. What you did say, however, was that you don't want us to fight anymore, because we'll drift farther apart, and you won't be able to survive that. Now, it might be just me, but that sounds like you want me as much as I want you. You just keep denying it, you've been doing that for years. Instead, you get yourself into a relationship, which you know won't last. They never do. You'll be heartbroken for some time, you'll come to me again, I'll comfort you, most likely, we'll end up in bed, then you'll leave and find yourself somebody new."

"You're an asshole, you know that." I say, my eyes full of tears, but I can't let them fall, he can't do this to me.

"Well, of course! I always seem to be an asshole, when I tell you the truth. You got too used to everyone kissing your ass, nobody tells you like it is."

"I shouldn't have come here, I should have let you believe what I told you the other time. This was a mistake." I swallow the lump in my throat, as I turn to leave, heading up the stairs to get dressed. 

"So, now you're running away? I didn't think you were such a coward!" Lindsey yells from downstairs, but I don't say anything more, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand.

I nearly tear his t-shirt off me like it's burning me and throw it aside, trying to quickly get back into my clothes from the day before and as I'm doing that, Lindsey enters the room, I feel his eyes on my back. 

"Why are you getting dressed? Maybe we should jump back into bed and solve this problem, huh?" His voice is dripping with hatred, as he approaches me from behind, wrapping one arm around me, his fingers working on the clasp of my bra.

I swat his hand away and back off. "Who are you?"

"Whoever you made me to be." He snarls and I almost feel physical pain in my heart after those words.