What I Couldn't Tell Him

16 - Can't Sleep?

ALDEN WOLFF

The trip to school consists of me realising my bike has a flat tire and moaning to myself all the way there.

I have a long time to think with no interruptions on the way there. The moon still sits in the sky, contradicting the sun's tickling warmth. It reminds me of the night in the woods, the night that made everything so complicated.

I find myself reliving the moment she rubbed her arm and blurted an excuse. Now, more than then, I am curious. I can't find a liaison between that or any of the other mysteries she has shrouded herself in; the disappearing, her arm, the arguments with her mum, the tears.

She is a puzzle that doesn't want to be solved.

I am in the buzz of the school when I spot her. She skipped last lesson yesterday, and I didn't expect her to be here. I walk to her without planning what I would say. She stands alone, headphones in, eyes hidden by sunglasses. She looks at me approach without a sound, as though she expected me to come. Maybe she did.

"Hi." She says quietly. She lets her earphones dangle by the wire and fiddles with it.

"Where did you go yesterday?" I ask bluntly, eyes narrow and questioning. She bites her bottom lip.

"I went home." She replies dully, and I feel an unfamiliar flicker in my stomach when she meets my eyes, still biting her lip. I drop the subject, and her eye contact, and move on to one she will like even less.

"What's wrong?" I begin, unsure how to phrase the question.

"What do you mean?" She says slowly, rocking on the balls of her feet.

"I mean the random disappearances, the library, your arm. All of it." She tensed when I mention her arm, absentmindedly brushing it.

"There's nothing wrong. My arm was bruised, I needed some time, the library - that was an accident." She lists them, as though in order of importance. I wonder what the truth is.

"I don't believe that. It wasn't bruised, and you did a run that week, not volleyball. You could've asked to leave, but you just left." I counter and she bites her cheek, stifling something she wants to say.

"I told you the truth, Alden. I don't know what strange conspiracy you have about me..."

"You can tell me, you know. If you need to." I prompt, trying to keep my tone soft.

"I told you the truth!"

I sigh and nod resolutely.

"Right. Sorry."

Then she sits down on the floor, head tipped back to the sun. She shuts her eyes and breathes out heavily. I sit down slowly, watching her.

"Its really complicated." She whispers after a long silence. She opens her eyes and looks at me. I realise how little space there is between us. Her lips are red as blood and turned into a frown. She leans her head against my shoulder. She sighs and her eyes flutter closed, hair falling out of her bun, then stands up and brushes her shirt with her hands.

"See you." And with that, she walks away. I groan, stand and lean against a wall. I don't notice Shawn walk up to me, casually scrolling through something on his phone.

"What was that about?" I jerk out of my thoughts at the sound of his voice.

"Oh, nothing."

"Oh yeah, just casual conversation. No big deal, right?" He jokes, still not looking up from his phone, but I can see amusement playing on his lips.