Beauty and the Dorito (Bill Cipher X Reader)

Chapter 1: This Provincial Life

"Still awake, Will?"

"Yeah... I c-can't sleep..."

"How about I tell you a bedtime story?"

"O-okay."

"Once upon a time..."

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In a far-off kingdom, a beautiful girl named Y/N lived in a peaceful village.  Life moved slowly for the town, all living their lives in harmony, and everyone agreed it was a wonderful place to live.

"Bonjour!"

"Bonjour!"

"Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour!"

Except for one person...

"For Pete's sake, would you all please STOP SINGING?!"

"Sorry, Y/N!"

Walking quickly and trying to ignore the villagers who burst into song around her, Y/N strode into the bookstore and slammed the contents of her basket onto the counter.

"I'd like to trade these in, please, and make it snappy," she instructed.  "I want to get back through the crowd of backup singers before you-know-who shows up."

"Of course, Miss Y/N," the clerk said, snatching up the books she'd brought.

Y/N picked up the book she'd checked out most frequently.  "I'm totally keeping this one, by the way.  It's full of gratuitous violence and swearing."

"Whatever makes you stop coming in here so often," the clerk snapped, shoving two more books into her arms and propelling her towards the door.  "Have a lovely day, miss."

"Well, screw you too!" Y/N muttered as she stormed out the door.

"Look there, he goes!" she heard someone sing.  Y/N picked up her pace.  There's only one person they could be singing about.  If I can just make it through this courtyard and past the choir before the song ends, I can—

A hand grabbed her arm from behind.

Oh, crap.

"Dipper!" she said through a clenched smile.  "What a lovely surprise."

"Where are you off to in such a hurry, milady?" Dipper asked with a sleazy smile.  "It's almost like you're avoiding me or something."

The smile turned into a grimace.  "Yeah. Or something."

Y/N honestly couldn't tell what Dipper's personal fangirl chorus saw in him.  Sure, he was handsome, but that weird birthmark on his forehead was a bit off-putting.  In addition, he was shallow, self-absorbed, and condescending.  Not to mention, his hair had more mousse than the hunting trophies mounted on his wall, he dressed like a Chicago mobster who had accidentally joined the circus, and his sister was absolutely unbearable.

"So, little lady, what's in the basket?  Anything for me?" Dipper leaned uncomfortably close with a nauseating smirk.

"Just the books, which I could introduce to your head at high velocity if you're interested," Y/N said, tugging her arm free from his grasp.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, keeping up the smirk.  "If I didn't know better, I'd think you didn't like me."

"Finally, a breakthrough!" Y/N exclaimed sarcastically.  "You are correct, sir.  In fact, I loathe you.  Your presence sickens me."

Dipper leered.  "It's cute when women play hard to get."

"Are you KIDDING ME!" Y/N shouted, drawing stares from the villagers who had gone back to minding their own business once the song had ended.  "Can you REALLY be this dense?!"