Beauty and the Dorito (Bill Cipher X Reader)

Chapter 13: The Zodiac

"Can I give you some constructive criticism?"

"Bill, I'm going to strangle you."

"I just feel like some of the elements of this story don't fit with 18th century France."

"This is a bedtime story, Bill, not a documentary.  I'm hardly striving for historical accuracy here."

"Still-"

"You know what?  Maybe I'll add some missiles and robots now, just for you."

"Thanks."

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The ground shuddered as the Shack-Tron thundered through the forest, toppling trees as it made its way to the Fearamid.  Dipper, Mabel, and Ivan were at the controls, along with a half-dozen members of the Society of the Blind Eye in their hooded robes.

"What's your deal with him anyway?" Mabel asked Ivan as they approached the impossible building. "Why do you want him dead so badly?"

Ivan gritted his teeth, hands tightening on the steering wheel.  "It's none of your concern, child," he growled.  "Suffice it to say that I made a deal with him many years ago, and he exploited a loophole that allowed him to take everything I held dear."

"And you've been obsessed with revenge ever since," Mabel finished.  "You're so cliché."

"Do not speak of what you don't understand, child," Ivan warned.

"First, stop calling me child," she snapped.  "Second, did I say I had a problem with it?  I love revenge!  And I love murder even more!"

"You'll both have it soon enough," Dipper interrupted.  "We're here."

Eins and his brothers watched calmly from their room as the improbably advanced machine came to a stop in the imposing shadow of the floating pyramid.  There was no window in the room, but they could see everything regardless.

"I guess this is it, guys," Zwei said grimly.  "Much as I hate that yellow eyesore, I can't say I'm happy about the way this is ending."

Eins nodded silently.

"Although," Zwei continued, "It'll be nice to have this over and done with.  We've been alive for far too long.  I don't know about you two, but I'm ready to let go."

Eins nodded again.  "We were never meant to be alive.  Life was simpler as paper and ink, until we were caught up in this cursed life."

"Is that a dinosaur?" Drei asked.  Just then, the building shuddered as the dinosaur arm punched through the front door.

"Guess that answers your question," Zwei remarked.

Ivan, Dipper, and Mabel clambered over the dinosaur head to gain entry to the Fearamid's main room.  The hooded Society members followed close behind until nine people stood in the grand chamber.  The room was cold and empty, with no sign of Bill or any of his furniture servants.

Without exchanging any words, Dipper set to work drawing a large circle on the floor with a paintbrush while Ivan set up candles in a separate circle.

"Triangulum, entangulum," Ivan intoned, his dark eye glowing blue while his crossed-out eye remained normal.  "Meteforis dominus ventium. Meteforis venetisarium! Egassem sdrawkcab egassem sdrawkcab egassem skrawkcab!"

With a deafening clap of thunder, reality peeled away to reveal Bill already in the room, glowing dimly in the half-light.

"Bill Cipher," Ivan declared.  "I've been waiting for over a hundred years to have my revenge on you."