The Depths of the Heart

Social anxiety (poem)

You call me a freak because I don't like the mall.
You say I'm depressed because I isolate myself in side my room.
You say I'm a loner because all I wish is to be left alone.
Social anxiety.
Is two different words to describe what I am.
I'm not socially awkward but I'm anxious to be around you.
I'm not trying to distance myself from you it's just that, well I have to let all my social bricks crumble in its darkness so I can breathe without being watched.
Social anxiety,
My bully that won't leave me alone it chases me down and tunts me.
It's possessive and cruel,
It keeps me hidden and chasing my second chances away.
It's a topic we tend to avoid,
It's a topic that's toxic to every butterfly.
It's the difference between me and you. It's the reason I don't have a social status because this social anxiety tends to creep in like poison ivy.
I'm not an intruder,
Just lost hope.
I'm not trying to stomp on the word society,
Just stuttering how my emotions are running away and my heart is beating so fast you'd think I'd just about had it and pluck it out of my own chest.
The word is so wasted on my panic attacks.
And my own little corner always gets stuck in the middle of the word 'Social anxiety'.
That word is...so
Washed up,
Over used,
Underrated,
Possibly possessive,
And so selfish to use in a crowded area.
Social anxiety,
Is what we people tend to breathe in and barf out like it's some kind of suicide pill.
Understand that this so called underrated word,
Is so annoying so nerve wracking that all my hairs stand,
And all my washed up feelings are no longer good to use,
This is what it feels like to be in a box that keeps getting smaller and tighter,
That hugs you and beats you down like your nothing but the name its self.
Social anxiety.