Heartbreakers Must Pay

Part 2 "What Nobody Knew"

5:13

Morice's open eye follows my movements with a delicious mixture of horror and submission. I stroke the fluttering eyelid and then I tape it shut. I could increase the sedation drip, but I want him to feel it. Feel every tug and wretch. Feel the pain of having a piece of you being torn from your flesh.

Prying his jaw open, I set the mouth prop so I can inspect his teeth. Yep, four cracked molars. Two totally broken that will have to come out. The other two Dr. Rumee can probably save. But, what a shame if they came out too. What a shame if all the molars came out. And maybe a front tooth. Or two?

I scan his face again. I should add another lighting bolt across his forehead. No, not a lighting bolt--a heart. I'll carve a heart and then put the lighting bolt right through it. Like he did to me. He deserves it.

Suddenly aware of the increase in my breathing, I drag in slow, purposeful breath. I feel like I'm in a Steven King story and I laugh. I am not going to go insane. I'm not that girl. I'll just pull the two broken teeth. Maybe a third. And then I'll wait for Dr. Rumee. Anything more and I'll lose my license and probably get Dr. Rumee sued for every cent he's worked 35 years to earn. I will take the high road. Like Vahn did.

I glance at the clock. 5:16. The red number flips to 5:17 and I'm reminded of my therapist's philosophy of time. "Only humans fool themselves to think time can be measured, counted or controlled," she would say. "Clocks and calendars. The universe laughs at our self-made prisons."

Frustrated, I would snap at her. "Hey, I'm paying you $200 an hour. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I hurt every minute of every day and you reel off some crap about clocks? I want this pain to end! Why can't you tell me how to do that?"

I cringe now at the memory of me sobbing on her office couch and her words, "It will just take time."

And I never understood what she meant.

Until this moment.

Now, I control time.

I snap on the blue latex gloves and push the loose hairs behind my ear. Concentrating to not bite my tongue, I begin to work on the broken tooth. Wedging the dental elevator into the space between his molar and gum, I rock the tooth. "This one's for Vahn," I say. "He's 100 times the man you'll ever be."

I think about the day Vahn proposed to me. Everyone knew we would eventually get married. And he had everything planned to perfection: The dozens of red roses, playing our song, a huge ring I know he couldn't afford (and refused to take back)---even the beach's magnificent sunset seemed to bless our union.

After all, we were 'the couple.' Meeting in our freshman Comp 101 class, his intelligent contributions to the discussions and surprising witt made me look forward to every Tuesday night. Later, he confessed how he would come early and try to predict where I would sit so he would be next to me. He told me he had loved me from the moment he saw me. He would recite exactly what I wore--my blue jeans, signature white cotton blouse with sleeves pushed to my elbows and hair tied up in sloppy pony tail.

I wish I could remember the moment I fell in love with him, like I remember the moment I fell in love with Morice. I guess, like with everything about Vahn, it was gentle, safe, predictable. We talked, we dated, and we progressed through the stages of romance as if reading signals from the third base coach.

And then there was Morice. The first time he even touched me, my flesh burned for him. He consumed me. A passion, fueled by danger and lust, made me ache for every muscle in his body. I'd look at my phone and curse it for not having a text from him. Wasn't he thinking about me too? Didn't he miss me?

The molar pops out. He shutters and moans.

"Shut up," I say. "I'm just getting warmed up."

But is it really his fault I fell for him? He never promised to be anything more to me than a lover. So cliche. The personal trainer. The player. I knew that. But, he said he loved me. Madly.

That was his signature text to me: "I'm madly in love with you."

I convinced myself I was different to him than all those other girls. Told myself only I could be the one to tame this wild passionate beast.

Morice's tooth crushes in my pliers. Startled by the sound, I see the tiny white pieces roll across the carpet.

"Damn." I pick the fragments and drop them into the bowl.

5:23. I better get moving. Focused, I quickly yank out the second broken polar and add the bits to the rest.

I push them around with my finger. The white enamel sparkles just a little under the fluorescent light. Why do they remind me of the pearls on my wedding gown? My mother had zipped up the back and turned my shoulders to face her. She handed me my red rose bridal bouquet. "Everyone has doubts on their wedding day Cori," she had said. "It's going to be a beautiful day. Vahn loves you so, so much. You'll build a wonderful life together."

But she didn't know the text I had just read. The one from Morice. The one that said, "I will love you forever. Madly."

I turn back to his puffed face with trickles of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. Dr. Rumee hasn't seen the other two. He won't know they could be saved. I'll just take those two and then I'll leave.

The tool feels cold and merciless in my fingers.