A Court Of Wings And Ruin

Chapter 4

Feyre

I jolted awake panting for air and sweating profusely. I gasped for breath greedily taking in as much as I could in only a few gulps as I crawled to the bathing room.

I came to the toilet and hurled my guts up gripping my aching stomach. I gripped the edge of the toilet seat tightly my fingers bruising from the pressure.

Once I was done, I coughed tiredly before collapsing against the seat. I ran my fingers through my knotted hair as I sighed.

I sincerely hoped I hadn't sent Rhys a mental picture. I groaned just thinking of it before I struggled picking myself up from the bathroom floor.

I got to back to my bed and plopped at the side my feet still dangling at the edge. I put my head in my hand's looking at my unglamoured hand with my Mark shown evidently.

It has been two weeks since I've been back in the Spring court. Two weeks of hurling my guts up. Two weeks of constant, reoccurring nightmares that sent me into a panic everytime I woke up. Two weeks of Tamlin ignoring that I was dying once again inside of this tomb he called my home.

I quickly tried to lay down once again before I attempt to hurl anything else up. I sigh calmly as I lay my head on the pillows trying to calm the shaking feeling in my gut before I became insane.

I sighed quickly before closing my eyes. I felt tears pricking the corners and I realized I hadn't realized I had been crying all the time. I wiped my cheeks of the stray tear stains seeing that for sure I had been crying.

I shook my head before closing them once more burying my head into the pillow. I tried to fall back asleep for the rest of the night but, I couldn't. The nightmare would just go back to where it left off.

It was now dawn. I sat at my desk a pen and paper in hand. I wanted to write to him. I longed to. I hadn't done so since, our last conversation. I sighed before with shaking hands placing the paper back on the desk.

If I was caught then...I'd jeopardize my mission. Tamlin had ears and eye's everywhere including his own of course.

But, to let him no I longed for him. That my love will forever stay everlasting for him and only him I sent a soft caress of love down the bond. I felt his worry for me in not even half a second before he sent an emotion of heart ache and longing back.

I closed my eyes and sighed in sadness a moment before I heard a knock on the door before it was opened.

I immediately got up turning slowly. My eye's went from surprise to a love that couldn't be out done "Tamlin" I spoke softly.

Tamlin sent a smile my way before walking over to grasp my hands "Feyre my love." He spoke I fought the urge to reel backwards and sneer at him before giving him a glare that could rival death itself.

Instead, I asked with a concerned look "what is wrong my love?"

He however didn't seem concerned or worried. He looked happy...too happy in fact. A smile lit up his face more then anything I've ever seen.

What made him so excited all of a sudden?

Tamlin brought his hands up to gently cup my cheeks in his hands before laying a soft kiss on my lips. He's been touching me alot more lately. The kisses started a week ago but, he's begun touching anywhere he could. His hands finding their way to my thighs but, I've always stopped him saying "I'm not ready yet. It's too painful to do now ever since the night court".

He was always trying to make up for that with as many kisses always he could. I couldn't deny him that. If I did then, he would have suspected something. Our physical relationship was always strongest.

I didn't lean in but, he didn't seem to notice as he pulled away his lips still inches from my own. I panted for breath as did he before he began "it's almost Calanmai" he stated.

I felt my blood freeze up and my grip on his hands loosen as horror invaded my features and mental state. I felt the adamant wall I had built up in my head collapse due to my raging emotions.

Tamlin's smile faded upon seeing the distress on my face and he caressed my cheek softly "Feyre what's wrong?"

I looked up at him my eyes still wide and filled with worry "I-i...nothing. I just..." I tried to think of a explanation but, my head was throbbing with anxiety.

"It's just...i-i met Rhys during Calanmai and i..." I stuttered feeling guilt once more as I spoke of my Mate in such ways.

Tamlin put a finger to my lips "it's ok Feyre I understand. Just during Calanmai you'll stay up here. Keep your door unlocked however and if someone knocks only open for me or Lucien".

I was relieved for a moment until I took in his words "wait so I'm still...participating in Calanmai?" I asked.

Tamlin nodded and chuckled slightly "of course. Your to be my bride and my mate".

I could feel rage boiling inside me and part of it was me and the other part...wasn't.

I was confused at first until, I figured it out.

Rhys.

I heard a deep growl in my head and felt his anger tear through me. I tired back to Tamlin with a grimace before h hiding it as I smiled at him with a peck on the side of his lips "o-ok. Um can I have some time alone for now. I didn't get much sleep".

He only nodded with a soothing kiss on my forehesd before he opened the door and shut it behind him.

That's when I collapsed to my knees my breathing ragged and tears dripping down my face.

Feyre! Feyre it'll be aright.

I heard Rhys assure me through the bond. I sniffle and run my fingers through my hair combing through a few knots.

Calanmai. I -I have to mate him....

I felt a shred of fear and panic before I was hit by a wave of emotions on Rhys's side of the bond one of which was Anger and Sorrow.

Lock your door's during Calanmai. Don't leave your room. I'll send Mor. I can't pass the border during Calanmai ever since Ama...she died.

I almost paused. My lips tightened and I shook. Amarantha. The fae women that had nearly killed me or technically did kill me and had imprisoned the faerie people for more then fifty years.

I-i don't want to do this, Rhys. He's going to....

I felt tears the tears rain down my cheeks harder before I felt a gentle caress down the bond and Rhys speaking in the calmest tone he could.

Feyre darling. Please calm down. We'll get you out before Calanmai. I won't let that bastard touch you.

Even if he couldn't see me I nodded vigorously.

I promise.

I heard him say before our bond faded away. I noticed and called too him my voice tortured and cracking.

Rhys!?

My eyes widened and I collapsed once more my sobs taking over and I enveloped myself in darkness. I was alone once more.