Surviving the Life of College (Smythe #3)

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

       I couldn't sleep. Again. Surprise, surprise. It was like I had to stay awake every single night at two in the morning, no matter what. I tried falling asleep, but the voices always got too much. Even with me taking my medication. Even with me getting all my frustrations out to my psychiatrist. Even with Isadora's head resting on my chest, sleeping soundly.

       It was only the auditory hallucinations, so at least I wasn't seeing my mom again. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I knew whatever she said to me was a lie, but actually seeing her and hearing the hallucination see it was so hard to ignore.

       The voices kept getting louder, saying the same old things to me. I'm useless. Nobody cares about me. 

       I sighed silently before slowly getting out of bed so not to wake my adorable girlfriend. I always felt like a creep watching her sleep but then again, nobody ever understood me so it seemed normal.

       It didn't help that she looked very cute in her sleep.

       I quietly left the bedroom and went to the kitchen. I opened the fridge door, scanning the contents before pulling out a glass bottle. I know I was told not to drink, but I really needed to get the voices to leave me alone.

       Right as I was about to open the bottle, Skittles suddenly barked. I looked over, seeing him sitting nearby. He barked again, looking at the bottle in my hand.

       "Skittles, shh," I whispered, but he kept barking. I tried getting him to quiet down, but nothing would work.

       My eyes caught sight of his bag of treats, so I grabbed one out of the bag and as soon as he saw it in my hand, he stopped barking. I gave it to him and was about to open the bottle again, but this time, I heard footsteps.

       I saw Isadora walked out of the bedroom, so I quickly hid the bottle behind my back. "Hey," I said. "What are you doing up?"

       Isadora rubbed her eyes. "I heard Skittles barking. I thought there was a problem."

       "Nope, no problem," I said. "Skittles just wanted a treat."

       "He wanted a treat?" she repeated. "So he was barking really loudly as if to wake someone up?"

       "I guess," I said. "I promise you, there's no problem. I look fine, right? I don't look sad and I'm not crying. I'm fine."

       Isadora looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. "What are you hiding being your back?"

       "Nothing," I said.

       "Then what are you doing up at two in the morning?" she asked.

       "I couldn't sleep, but I promise I wasn't going to do anything to harm myself," I said. "I'm just hungry, hence why I'm in the kitchen. For food."

       "Right," she said.

       When she didn't move, I said, "You don't have to worry about me. I'll eat a granola bar or something and I'll be back in bed in two minutes."

       "Okay," she said.

       She still didn't move. "You can go back to bed," I said.

       "I will once you move," she said.

       "Why?" I asked.

       "Because I'm not an idiot," she said. "I know you're hiding something behind your back."

       "And what would I be hiding behind my back?" I asked. "I told you, I'm fine."

       Isadora walked closer to me, so I backed up until I hit the counter. She stood in front of me. "Are you going to tell me what you're hiding?" she asked.

       "Nothing, I swear," I said. 

       "Then why did you back up as I walked closer?" she asked.

       "Because I hate people being too close to me," I said. "You're invading my personal bubble. I only let you do that when we're in the shower."

       "No, you always let me invade your personal bubble," she said. "Just show me what's behind your back."

       She tried grabbing, and that only caused my to drop it. It shattered on the ground, the liquid inside seeping onto the floor. "Shit," I muttered as I bent down to pick up the glass pieces.

       "Alcohol? Really?" she asked. "You're not allowed to drink, Dax."

       "Really? I didn't know that," I said sarcastically, snapping as well.

       "You don't have to get mad at me," she said. "I'm just telling you...."

       "I know what you're telling me," I interrupted. I went to pick up another piece of glass, but I ended up slicing my hand in the process. I cursed again and stood up, turning the cold water off the kitchen sink on and placing my hand under the running water.

       Isadora cleaned up the mess, gently picking up the glass and drying up the liquid. Once that was done, she stood beside me. "This wouldn't have happened if you just listened to what the psychiatrist told you," she said. "Drinking doesn't help your condition. It only makes it worse."

       "Yeah, says the psychiatrist who isn't schizophrenic," I said. "Sure, he studies it, but he actually doesn't know what it's like. When I drink, I didn't have to worry about the voices. I'm able to forget about them."

       "Dax, drinking never fixes anything, even your schizophrenia," Isadora said. "Yeah, it might make you feel better in that moment, but it's only going to have negative consequences in the end."

       I turned off the sink and looked down. "I just want the voices to leave me alone...."

       Isadora stood behind me and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my back. "I know," she said softly. "No matter what time it is, if the voices are getting too much for you, just wake me up. I promise you I won't mind and I would love to stay awake talking to you if it means you'll feel better."

       "I don't want you to give up your sleep for me," I said.

       "I don't care," she said. "You're struggling and I'm your girlfriend. I'm not just going to let you go through this alone. I promise you, I won't mind being woken up at two in the morning if you need to talk to me." She pulled away from my and got the first-aid kit out. After placing a bandage on my hand, she led me to our bedroom. Skittles followed and went back to his bed in the room.

       Isadora closed the door behind us and we climbed into the bed. She rested her head on my chest. "Just talk to me," she said. "Say whatever's on your mind."

       "Okay," I said.

       And that was how we stayed up talking until four in the morning before I was able to fall asleep.

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Aww poor Dax. :( He'll always be my baby.

Lol, so whenever I hear something that relates to my books, I immediately think about my characters. Like today in class, schizophrenia came up twice and that made me think of Dax. cx And my brother said his second favorite animal is an otter, so that made me think of Grayson and Ryder. cx