champagne & glitter

courage

 ellen & ian

in the distance

the city looked like

a picture.

the big, lit up ball

symbolizing a new year

sitting atop the city

and catching every

single person's eye.

I had been staring at it so long

the lights stuck with me,

my vision carrying the little

sparkling balls wherever I looked.

it had been three years since

tara left,

and three weeks since

I had seen her.

she had this light,

deep in her eyes

that made my aching heart

feel whole

and my crumbling self

feel stable.

but I was a coward,

and for some reason

I thought the new year

would give me that push

to tell her she's beautiful;

to tell her she's kind;

to tell her,

exactly how I feel.

instead, I sat

by my window

alone.