Poems From Junior Year

tired

I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a hundred and fifty years.
I'm so tired.
Tired from lake of sleep, sure.
But also so damn tired of everything else.
Tired of this mess of a world.
Tired of the mask I force myself to wear so I dont inconvenience my friends.
Tired of how my mom just picks at my nerves.
Tired of how I don't have and off switch and always realise it a second too late.
Tired of procrastinating every little thing.
Tired of school and homework and grades.
Tired of expectations and let downs.
Tired of not doing anything right.
Tired of this stupid messy house that doesn't even feel like home.
Tired of being fucked up.
Tired of not being able to just deal with my problems or even tell people about them.
Tired of being too smart for my own good.
Tired of being scared of being terrified.
Tired of the past messing with the present. Sometimes just in a reminder that it was better.
Tired of the fact that when I first heard that alcohol helps you forget and/or stop thinking so hard I started working that I would become an acholic.
Tired that I can't be a grown up for more than 2 hours.
Tired that I just can't concentrate.
Tired that I want to have an enemy just to eat with them.
Tired that I am just so weird and crazy.
Tired that I think that honestly someday none of my current friend will be my friends cause history repeats itself.
Tired of commitment issues.
Tired of wanting a therapist for the sole reason of being able to take down the charade and actually tell someone about everything for once.
Tired of just living this life.