Untitled, By Unknown

23: Change of Plan

Writing time: December 16th 2016- January 5th 2017

'And may the odds be ever in your favour!'- Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins, 2008. I was given this book by my Mum for Christmas in preparation for the film- she'd gotten it free as a form of promotion for it (way to spend big that holiday, though to be fair I did also get a Netbook. Albeit a really crappy one. Never buy one of those). I remember being terrified going to see it, as at the age of twelve I was weirdly uncomfortable with teenagers losing legs. Lucky that had recovered by the time Class aired (spoilers- slightly). They cut that plot point out of the film anyway.

I had a plan for this story.

Well, obviously. This is pretty much an autobiography, you'd presume I'd know what it was going to be about. I mean the unplanned segments. I've said before I initially only drafted eighteen chapters, with the intention of creating more as life went on. But I always had a thought about where I wanted the story to go: I wanted to end up with Him. Which I hope had already been clear- otherwise I'm a really shitty writer. Anyway, that was my thought process. I wanted this to end with me in that relationship, climaxing with the tiniest glimmer of hope for the future. No idea when that would have been. Christmas? Easter? Who knows. Maybe I would have written further than that, showing how it went, finishing in a secure spot rather than right at the beginning. Either way, the epilogue would be a heavy sense of possibility.
The problem is, this book is based on life. And life never quite works out how you want it to.

After two and a half months, I was finally building up the courage to ask Him out. In theory, I had quite a few opportunities- we sat next to each other in tutor; we went to the same debate group. Problem was, tutor consisted of countless lectures from universities advertising their courses, so I barely had a chance to get a word in, and in debate He mostly sat on the other side of the room with His other friends (He was a popular guy), with me having to rush off to lesson when the session ended. I'd find my chance eventually: I was just waiting for a tutor class without a talk, which were few and far between. Plus, there was also the physical act of getting the words out. Eh, I'd burn that bridge when I came to it. It didn't help that I was aiming to do it in person as opposed to messaging, although I'd take the latter if it became the only viable option.
The week before, I'd spent an entire car journey attempting to work out the probability of Him saying yes, drawing out a mental probability tree as if I was fucking Sherlock (I'd previously developed a habit of waving my hands around like the detective himself while following trains of thought like this. After the younger one filmed me doing this backstage during a rehearsal of Macbeth, this strangely died off). Right, what are the chances that....
I'll speak. Low. Damn. Probably around 20%. I can increase that. Just give me five months as well as some form of hypnosis. That'll work.
Then, chances he's actually LGBT. In theory, 10%. Meaning the antithesis is 90%. That's not good. Still, he fits the stereotypes. Maybe that bumps it up. No clue.
Finally (and arguably most important), chances he'll agree if both of the above are what I want. I'd say pretty high. We've been getting on really well, share interests etc. I've got a feeling he's currently single. Is 60% too high an estimate? I think it is- I'm being too generous to myself. Screw it, I'm sticking with it.
So, if I calculate that.... 1.2%. Ah, but if I exclude my inability to talk.... 6%. Oh. Never tell me the odds. Alternatively, always convince me not to work out the odds.
(There's actually an error in that working [besides the blatant guesswork]. I'll point it out later.)
Silence will fall when the question is not asked. It'll likely fall after it is asked too, so that's the least of my concerns.
Friday. Economics. Just the taller one and I- the shorter one quite often bunked off and the new guy simply wasn't there (which proves me wrong- apparently I will write about the taller and shorter ones apart. I did not consider the latter's truancy when previously stating that despite writing that chapter the day this happened). The topic of crushes came up for surprisingly the first time, and I detailed my feelings for Him. It's not the best codename, is it? It instantly becomes confusing the moment anybody else male is involved. Anyway, he (notice the lower case) seemed interested, and inquired about my plans to confess these. I told him these would in theory be soon. This was enough to end the topic, but he mentioned in passing a friend he could set me up with if things didn't go well, showing me a picture on Facebook of the guy that I was only able to quickly glance at. I was ever so slightly intrigued, but my mind was set. Well, maybe not, as I checked out the guy's profile once or twice, and the next night I had a dream involving a person in our class as well as somebody with the same name as this person (which suggests the idea of this person something I was considering) in... compromising positions. You're not getting any more than that. Oh, thank you subconscious.
However, this focus was to become diverted momentarily due to a certain weekend event.