Breaking Walls (A VA Fanfic)[ON HOLD]

Ch. 9

I kicked the wall of my room. Hard. I banged my head on the door, and willed myself not to cry, even as my eyes got blurry. I tried to forget the magic used on me, but all I could think about was the way Lissa had tried to control me. The worst part was, that even though I hated being used as a puppet by one of my own friends, correction, former friend, even I could sense the bliss she felt when she used her spirit. I could feel it too, and I liked it.

I heard a knock on my door and pretended that I didn't. Maybe whoever was there would think I wasn't in here and would just leave. I really didn't wanna deal with anyone right now.

"Rose, I know you're in there," a voice called from the other side, just before the person let herself in.

I forgot that I didn't lock the door.

"Lock the door next time," Alberta told me.

"Go away," I mumbled. "I'm not in the mood for anything."

"Well, I've been meaning to have this talk for a long time now, so let's go for a walk," she said.

"I don't care. I told you to go away."

"Rose, you can't avoid everyone forever."

"That shouldn't matter to you."

"More people care than you think. Come on," Alberta said before she dragged me outside to the pitch dark school grounds. It wasn't that far into the night, but the fields were deserted, besides some of the guardians taking their shifts.

Alberta pulled me alongside her and headed for the forest. I looked at the trees ahead of us, refusing to make eye contact with her.

"So, Rose, you're mom's coming to the Academy in some days," she started.

Grunting, I said, "Get to the point."

Alberta sighed, but did. Looking up at me, she said, "Rose, you've been gone a long time. You've missed a lot. I'm thinking we should start rescheduling training sessions with Guardian Belikov."

My blood boiled. "No," I told her, trying to keep my anger at bay. "I won't."

"You will do what you're told," she said pointedly. "Also, I need to know how maney Strigoi you've killed."

"What makes you think I've killed Strigoi?"

"There's no other explanation for your behavior. Plus, I think you should also start up therapy sessions again, like you did back on the field experience."

"No." I stopped walking and turned towards her, my eyes burning. "I'm not some kind of broken animal. I'm not traumatized either. And I also don't want to get molniga marks. I don't want to remember the people I've killed by having their scars permanently etched onto my neck! Would everyone just leave me alone!"

Storming off deeper into the forest, I tried to think rationally. I looked up at the cloudy, dark sky and noticed that it would probably rain in a few hours. I hated what was happening. I knew Dimitri would try his best to win me back, and that he wouldn't give up. I really didn't wanna give him more of an advantage over me by returning to those sessions again. I remembered how I used to love those hours, to count the minutes until it was time go to the gym with him. As much as I didn't want the sessions to happen right now, if they did - which they will, cause Alberta's in charge and what she says goes - I knew I'd start acting the same way as I once did. And I couldn't let that happen.

I lost thought of where I was and for how long I had been walking. Scanning the area around me, lodged deep within the trees, my eyes caught the sight of one of the old patrol cabins. Walking closer towards it, I realized that it was that cabin. The one and only cabin that I couldn't seem to forget.

Seeing this place again resurfaced memories that I wanted to keep hidden. I didn't wanna be here, yet I couldn't bring myself to leave. I put my back against the cold, hard bricks of the cabin and slouching my shoulders, I faced the trees, trying very hard to compose my emotions.

I slid down into a sitting position and hugged my legs close to me, resting my head on the brick wall. Distinctly, I remembered that I had ditched all my classes today. Stan was seriously gonna kill me tomorrow.

I didn't wanna care for a damn thing in this world. I just wanted to give up. I actually thought about committing suicide, before dismissing that thought out of my brain completely. I decided that doing that would definitely be too drastic and extremely dishonorable, especially to myself. Not to mention how many people I would be hurting. Alberta was right, more people cared about me than I thought. And I knew was hurting a lot of them right now.

Closing my eyes, I sighed. I stared into space, wishing that stuff could get easier before falling into a deep sleep.