Breaking Walls (A VA Fanfic)[ON HOLD]

Ch. 16

I got past dorm security pretty easily. I walked through the school grounds, and into the forest surrounding them. My eyes scanned the trees, trying to find something that wasn't there. I walked for a bit, thinking of my past, and the choices and events that made it happen. My fingers pushed my hair aside and skimmed over the bandages on my neck, the ones covering my marks, my ultimate scars. I should have never ran away. I came back with a resolve to be strong, but what I didn't realize was that I had been weak from the start, and that running away just made me weaker. I should have faced the ghosts, my fears, my dilemmas with Dimitri, and most importantly; the spirit, the reason for my second chance at life. And even though I still wasn't happy with Lissa using her magic on me, I should never have shut out my friends either.

Anger bubbled inside of me, for myself and for my decisions, and the spirit darkness didn't help. I threw my hair aside over my shoulder, and ripped out as many bandages as I could. It didn't really hurt, nor would it have any effect on me, and that's probably the reason why I stopped. I needed something to lessen the pain and to get that pounding headache and all that anger gone out of my head and out of my heart.

I clutched myself, wrapping my arms around, my nails biting into my bare arms, making crescent-shaped marks and drawing blood. But it wasn't enough for me. I needed more. Something that hurts even more.

Lissa's words came back to me, Physical pain heals the mental one, and I swung my fist around and slammed it into the nearest tree it could hit. I didn't stop there. I kept punching the tree, kept punching it even until my hands were bloody and battered and my knuckles were probably broken. I felt so numb. But my head was cleared, and I could think rationally. I wasn't angry at anyone. I was hurting myself because I was beyond enraged at myself. Only myself. I made so many terrible and outrageous choices, and I couldn't change them. No matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to change them.

It all finally sunk in. I didn't think of the consequences when I took off impulsively running away like that. Nor did I think about the pain it would cause to a lot of people. People who cared about me, people who would have listened to me if I had been brave enough to tell them what was happening. Suddenly, I realized that I was being weak right then, numbing my pain and not facing my problems. In an attempt to calm myself, I clenched my bloody fists and tried taking deep breaths. I sat down under the same tree I tortured and lifted my head up to the sky, only to see that it was obscured by a mass of leaves and branches. Sighing, I stood up again, angrily marching my way out of the forest.

Either karma thought I hadn't suffered enough, or that I had given too much attention to my hands, cause while I was stomping from fury at my life and at me, it decided that making me trip on a sharp rock was totally worth the pleasure. Yeah I know, karma's a bitch.

Before I hit the ground face forward, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, steadying me. I couldn't smell his aftershave, so I knew at once that these arms were not Dimitri's.

"Careful, Little Dhampir. We wouldn't want that pretty face of yours damaged," a perky voice with a hint of amusement said. "You should be damn well thankful that I just saved your life."

I had to face him. I was gonna be strong this time.

I spun around, untangling myself from Adrian and crossed my arms, glaring at him straight in the eyes. I was gonna do this the old way.  Rose Hathaway style.

"Stop exaggerating, Adrian. The least that could have happened was that I'd get a mouthful of dirt. I'd still be alive after that."

"What happened to your hands?" he asked.

No. I forgot about my hands. That was the question I didn't want to deal with. What was I supposed to say to him?

He could tell I was hesitating.

"Rose?" he asked tentatively.

"I punched a tree."

"Why?"

"Cause I wanted to. Problem?"

"Spirit?"

"Partly."

"Does Craddlerobber know?"

"It's Dimitri," I corrected. "What are you doing out in the day?"

"Looking for inspiration and guess what I found: You. Fascinating," he said wiggling his eyebrows while I rolled my eyes. Then he frowned. "Stop trying to change the subject. Does Dimitri know you're out here?"

"Yes."

"Does he know that you're beating yourself up?"

"I'm not beating myself up. Just training," I replied pointedly.

"Come on," he said, placing his hard on my upper arm and pulling it a little. "Where is he? I'll take you to him."

"I'm 17."

He sighed.

"I know Rose. But we're all worried."

"I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'll go to him in a while. He'll make me go to the clinic anyway. I just want to think for a little."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

His face broke into a smile,"Nice to have you back, Little Dhampir. I missed you," he said hugging me, then backing off down the path out of the forest, leaving me to think.

I sighed.

"Nice to be back Adrian," I whispered, though he couldn't hear me.