𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 ||𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐤𝐢𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚||

7. "Forbidden feeling"

Yamaguchi woke up after the first night of proper sleep, looks like Kei's methods were really working.

Usually Yamaguchi would wake up in the middle of the night because of nightmares, because he would see figures and shadows moving around in his room, but this night he didn't wake up, he slept properly and was actually hungry for a first time in months.

The nurse was so surprised when she brought Yamaguchi his food and saw him instantly digging in.

" Damnit, Tsukishima Kei. What have you done to me?" he mumbled to himself as he finished eating that weird hospital food.

Since it was the first night when he didn't have nightmares, he wasn't sure what to draw. Yamaguchi remembered Kei telling him to draw what he feels, so maybe he should go with that. He took his pencil and a sheet of paper.

The white space soon filled with grey lines, they connected with one another creating a sketch of man. Even Yamaguchi could see what he drew without thinking, it was Kei.

Why Kei out of all the people? Why did his methods work? How did he break down Yamaguchi's walls so easily?

Yamaguchi had so many questions, he couldn't understand himself anymore. He was always confident that he knew himself better than anyone else, but now he was doubting himself.

He stood up and went to his window, he stared outside, trying to remember the last time he actually was there. Yamaguchi had been in this mental hospital for 4 years, last time he was outside was around 3 years ago.

He was really unstable then and once they let him outside he scared other people, his murderous mind back then made him think that everyone was guilty for his family's death.

Ah, he missed the fresh air, the feeling of grass between your toes, cold raindrops on your skin and the warmth of the sun.

He opened his eyes once more and noticed a figure walking into the building. It was Kei. He felt his heartbeat speed up, which wasn't normal for him.

Being next to Kei felt like being next to family, but not exactly. He couldn't describe it, but it made him feel...happy.

He went and flopped onto his bed once again, lately his days here have become boring, if only he had a TV or a phone where he could watch something, maybe then he could spend his days easily.

He closed his eyes and relaxed, listening to the sounds around him. The hallways weren't crowded at all, he couldn't hear a lot of footsteps. Or maybe it was because his room was at the far end of the hallway.

Yamaguchi suddenly heard slow footsteps approaching the room, the door being unlocked and someone walking in. It could have only been one person.

"Yamaguchi?" he asked and Yamaguchi opened his eyes. He was surprised to see Kei's face so close, his big round golden eyes were looking at him with such care, that Yamaguchi almost teared up. He really did care.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked once he sat down next to him.

"No, I was just resting. It's boring here.." Yamaguchi answered and saw Kei scribble down something on his papers. Being a doctor is hard, isn't it?

"Tell me, how are you feeling today? Anything new?" Kei asked him a rather unexpected question.

"Hmm... Well, I guess I've been doubting myself recently. I was always sure that I know how I'm feeling, but now... I don't know... Why am I like this, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi turned to Kei, who had a small smile on his face.

"That's a good thing, Yamaguchi. That means that you're healing, slowly but surely" he said and smiled at Yamaguchi once again.

"Oh, then that's okay I guess..." Yamaguchi said and sighed loudly. Healing, huh? It's been a while since someone told him that.

The biggest part of the session were the same boring questions to which Yamaguchi gave honest answers to.

"Tsukki, how do I determine what I am feeling? I've had this feeling stuck in me for some time now and I can't seem to understand what it is" Yamaguchi said once the session was finished.

"Hmm... Try finding a similar feeling, then see how they are different and you should know" Kei said and closed his file.

"I'll be heading out now. See you tomorrow, Yamaguchi" Kei said and went to the door, but Yamaguchi's body reacted on it's own and soon he wrapped his arms around Kei's waist, as if he was asking him to stay.

"Y-Yamaguchi..." he heard Kei say, but he didn't move. Yamaguchi just stood there, his face buried in Kei's chest.

He felt warm.

Once the realization finally hit him, he released Kei and backed away.

"Sorry..." Yamaguchi said. His heart was beating like crazy.

"It's fine, I'll be back tomorrow, don't worry" Kei said and ruffled Yamaguchi's hair before leaving.

Yamaguchi instantly hid under the covers on his bed. He was embarrassed by his own action, which was new. He usually wasn't like this.

Find a similar feeling, huh? He closed his eyes and tried to remember the last time he actually felt like this.

Feeling safe, warm, happy around a person, what feeling could it possibly be?

An image of his sistrr flashed in his head. He did feel happy around her, she gave of a warm atmosphere. Yeah, that was similar.

But his heart didn't beat like this when he was next to her, his body  never acted on it's own like this...

Kei felt like family, but not exactly. It wasn't that family love kind of feeling.

Yamaguchi felt his heart stop once he stopped on one of the words.

Love.

"No, no, no... I can't be feeling love.. I don't deserve to feel it..." he spoke quietly.

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It's 10 AM and I haven't slept properly, I hope you understand what lenghts I go to write new chapters.

-hatari.