in which the girl he thought he loved returns and she's ready to try one more time.
ONE MORE
MINIMINTER
SIDEMEN
DEATHLIES 2016
*please read book one first
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THREE
That night, as soon as she got home, Dallas had felt everything itching in her mind and she'd racked her brain for everything her therapists had told her to do. No matter how many she went through, writing everything down seemed the only one that stuck.
So, she slid into the office chair, still clad in her evening dress and heels, and took a pen and paper from the draw. She pulled the lid off with her teeth, not wanting to waste a second. Her hand shook as the nib of the pen hovered above the clean, white paper, but after she wrote the greeting it was like she could have written a novel.
And so it said:
Dear, Simon,
I know it's been too long since we've seen each other and my explanations are way overdue, but it's come to a point where I can't possibly put it off any longer. In this letter, I'm going to write down everything I should have said to you before I left and everything I would have said to you had we stayed in touch. If you hate me, don't read this. Just throw it away because the words I'm about to write here on these pages is going to be personal and from the heart. If you hate me, throw it away.
I'm assuming, if you've read to here, you haven't thrown this letter in the bin. If you're reading this out of spite, then fuck you, Simon.
Sorry.
I suppose another apology is required. When I left you without a goodbye all those years ago, it didn't cross my mind how selfish it was to do such a thing. When I phoned my mum to ask her to send the rest of my things over, she told me you'd come by not long after I left. I told her I didn't care, but I cared so much I cried myself to sleep that night. I sound so cliché. I hate it. I hate writing this, but you need to hear this and so do I.
So, I'm sorry for leaving without a goodbye, but everything got too much. From striking out at Allison, to my abusive mum, to my diagnosis, it was all too much for me to handle and I guess I just needed an escape. My dad lives in LA. That's where I went and that's where I've been. I lived with him for all these years, until he told me he was getting remarried and I smiled and told him that I was happy for him and that I had news too: I wanted to move back to the UK. He must have been hurting too because, like me, he smiled and told me he was happy for me.
Among the things I said to you when we were together, there are other things I've come to realise in our time apart:
1. You deserve more than me. 2. I'm pretty sure you loved me. 3. I'm pretty sure I loved you too. 4. I hate myself for leaving you. 5. You were the best thing in my life.
Those five things are all things I've kept inside for a long time, but I didn't realise them until I had spent almost two years of my life in LA and dated three other guys, who all turned out to be totally assholes and were only with me because my dad has money. It made me realise what a blessing you really were.
So, maybe we should give it one more try. Take the plunge, feel the love, because there's no denying the fact that I love you, even if it has been almost seven years in the making. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Simon.
I don't expect you to reply to this. I don't expect a response or for you to get in touch with me and to confess that you adore me just the same because that's just a daydream for movies. This is reality and reality hurts. You probably never want to see me again and I get that. I'd hate me too. I do hate me too.
But I wouldn't complain once if you said you wanted to see me again.
