in which the girl he thought he loved returns and she's ready to try one more time.
ONE MORE
MINIMINTER
SIDEMEN
DEATHLIES 2016
*please read book one first
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SIXTEEN
"So," James began, not looking at Dallas over his menu. "Simon, huh?"
Dallas couldn't have contained the smile if she'd tried. But she didn't try. She just let it spread across her red lips and sit there proudly.
"What about him?" She asked, dipping her eyes down at the menu.
Why did he have to do this now? As if it wasn't already slightly awkward between them. Bringing up Simon just seemed to make that feeling vibrate in the air, not able to be ignored.
"There's a lot of history there, obviously. And I want to know what's going on so I know my place. Even if we have nothing like what we used to, I still want to be there for you."
"James, you cheated on me with Allison, of all people, I don't think we'll ever have anything like we used to have. I care about you but I'm not in love with you," Dallas explained softly. Though her voice did not tremble, she couldn't look into his eyes as she spoke those words.
Not because she didn't mean them, not because she was a liar, but because she didn't want to see the way she knew his eyes would dull and the way his smile would fade. She meant it, but it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt to see the consequences.
"I don't want to mess things up with him again," Dallas continued. "So, James, we're just friends, ok? That's where you stand."
"Ok," James replied, glancing down at the menu. "I am sorry, you know?" He added and she didn't doubt the apology for a second from the tone of his voice.
Now, she looked to meet his eyes. The eyes she'd loved and hated. "I know."
-
Simon's arm brushed against hers as they walked down the street. It was late in the year and the cold was setting in harsh and fast. Wrapped up with her scarf bundled around her neck, oversized to cover her chin, she'd been more than happy to get out of the house after a morning of sorting out her apartment.
At first, she'd wanted Violet to come but she was busy with Cal, like usual, but suggested that she ask Simon instead. Dallas agreed, hung up and phoned Simon before she'd had chance to chicken out.
So, as they walked along, she couldn't help but feel blissful.
"I've missed London a lot," Dallas said, bumping him lightly with her shoulder. He looked at her for a moment, as if he were looking for a lie, which she couldn't deny hurting.
"I bet LA didn't treat you too badly," He replied, sounding harsher than intended. The cold wind hurled against them as Dallas looked at him, wondering whether he meant it. Her doubts were defused when he took his hand from his pocket and took a hold of hers.
"LA was nice. It was good to be with dad. We bonded a lot more, especially when I inevitably drank too much and needed to be looked after the next day by someone with a solid maturity level. Opposed to Willa, who still watches SpongeBob in her free time."
Simon squeezed her hand lightly. "Did you ever wonder what it would've been like if you'd stayed?" He asked and Dallas visibly winced.
"Of course I did." She looked down at her boots taking step after step along the pavement next to him. "But if I'd stayed how much worse would I have gotten? All I had was you and that wasn't fair to drag you through what I was going through."
"It was hard for me too."
Dallas slipped her hand out of his and into her pocket.
"I know."
"Don't you think you could have dealt with it better? I understand what you had to do, but leaving with no explanation was a new low." He pushed his hand through his hair as he tried to formulate how to say what he wanted to say without making her angry or upset. He'd been thinking about it ever since their kiss, ever since she'd been back. Talking with Josh has only made the need to know the answer, to say what he needed to say, greater. "I was there for you through everything and you didn't think I deserved more?"
"I said I was sorry."
"You haven't shown it," He said, his frustrations rising and burning through in embers within his speech. "All you've done since you've come back is talk about you. It's all about you. It's always been all about you."
"That's not fair, Simon, and you know it."
"What's not fair is you expecting me to forget everything and take you back like you didn't break my heart. I was in love with you. The guys told me you weren't worth it if you couldn't even say goodbye. That I shouldn't bother anymore. That didn't stop me thinking about you, even as I tried to move on. Trust me, I tried to move on, but it was difficult when you'd been in love with someone for so long. It took me a long time to stop comparing girls to you."
People were looking now. Two individuals with too much history making a scene on the street. It was like something from a movie. Dallas hated the eyes on her, but there was nothing she could do to make it stop.
"That's all I needed you to hear before we could even try to make things better again," Simon told her much more calmly. "I didn't want to upset you, but I needed to say it."
"It's ok. I deserved it." Dallas inhaled sharply, her eyes lining with tears. She wanted him to see those tears and to know that it did hurt her to hear all those words and repressed feelings being released after all this time. She wanted him to know she cared. Because she cared so much it hurt.
And he offered her a light smile, which she returned as she wiped a tear from beneath her eye.
He was right and it hurt that he was right, but at least now she knew.
