Always and Forever

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Things had been different between Nathan and me since he gave me the choice. Quite even. I was still lost, drowning in my own thoughts. Nathan could have anyone he wanted, but he told me he wanted me. But Why? Why did he love me?

The idea of being with him that way wasn’t something I would completely rule out like I had before that morning we woke up together. I know how he felt now. He didn’t feel trapped like I thought he would. I was wrong. He was happy about what we’d done.

The only thing is…what happens if I give us a chance and it doesn’t work out? What then? Will we get a divorce, count our losses, and move on, never to speak again? I would imagine it would a make a friendship with him impossible after that.

I leaned my head back in the lounge chair by the pool and sighed deeply. Why couldn’t things just be simple for once in my life? Why did everything have to be complicated?

Nathan.

I let my mind wonder over all the memories I’d collected over the years, looking for the signs I’d someone missed along the way to where I am now.

He didn’t sign the divorce papers I sent him. He returned them every single time. I just thought he was being impossible Nathan. Maybe it was because he didn’t want a divorce on his record and it would look bad on him. I don’t know. Nothing makes sense anymore.

Then there was how he acted over Mason. Like a jealous boyfriend….husband?

High school slowly started to come back to me. One memory at a time.

Nathan and I after school in the rose garden the agriculture class planted the previous spring. Everything was bright and beautiful. It was in full bloom. It seemed like something from a dream. 

He took my hand in his a brought it to his chest holding it there. I could feel the rhythm of his heart against it.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” he asked. He eyes never left the garden when he spoke.

“Something of a dream,” I smiled.

It was quite except for the birds chirping in the distance. It was so peaceful I never wanted to leave.

Nathan and I had stayed after school that day waiting on our mutual friend, to finish his after school detention so we could give him a ride home. At the time I was dating said friend, because he more Nathan’s friend than mine. We only hung out because of him.

Everyone else was gone and it was just us.

“No,” he said. “If this was a dream I could manipulate it. Bend it to my will.” His eyes moved to mine. “I’d have exactly what I want.”

I laughed. “Okay. What is it you want Nathan?”

He looked away from me saddened. “Something I could never have.”

I squeezed his hand in mine. “How do you know? Have you ever tried to take it?”

When his eyes were on mine again. They looked hopeful. Alive.

“No. I haven’t. But it doesn’t seem that what I want, wants me back.”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe you. Who wouldn’t you, Nathan? You’re perfect.”

He studied me for a moment as if deciding what to say next. Then slowly, cautiously the words came out. “But is it right to take something that always belongs to someone else? A friend for example.”