Ill Transmitted Infection

Lost Texture

*When I'm getting home from school, I see him sitting down like a fool
Although I stayed in school, he was naive by liquor
He got sicker damaging his liver
Not giving me knowledge that i might need to survive
I had to watch over myself if i wanted to maintain alive
With no love from a white dove
My emotion got burnt inside of a stove*

With my father out of the picture
My thoughts grew with a different type of texture
With my own perspective,I gave my own lectures
I used to always seem lost
Probably from the lack of guide that I had in the ride
while I never had someone to ask for advise 
I had to experience to make myself wise
Not knowing what to expect out in the world
Or what it meant to fall for a formal girl
Learning slowly and independent at the start
Although it took me losing my trust and my heart
You'll always see a smile on my face
You'll never know if I'm going through a phase
With an ill infection, I don't know if I should be sad or  be mad
Should I be disappointed or be glad
But nobody ever taught me the good from bad

What's right from wrong?
Only the mind knows if it's strong
But the mind is so easy to manipulate with money that's long
Lessons taught to myself while I was young
As long money defines right from wrong

My smile could be real or just as phony  as a clone
I never knew how to open up to another when I'm out of my zone
Moving alone with my head harder than a stone
With various flavors on my plate
Did I always just know to accept fate?
Cause I moved like the wind from state to state

Changing and moving was the normal hobby
So I never got attached when I would always be changing my lobby
While I analyze people who are building bonds
I wonder how it felt when the spark vanished like wet ponds
Never knew what it meant to have an emotional connection
All I ever knew  to do was "keep your eyes up and focus your attention"