Throw Down Your Heart

Chapter Nine - Give It Wings and Set It Free

~* Chapter Nine *~

"Rosie, I want to talk about the song." Drew said while we were sitting in his dressing room. We've been playing cards and I've won probably fifteen times by now. I might be able to count cards just a little bit. I would also advise anyone that plays cards with me not to let me play in long sleeves.

"What song?" I ask, rearranging my cards. I heard Drew set his down and when I saw his face I knew what he was talking about. I sighed and set my cards face down like he had. "Oh. That song."

"Yeah. I just...it's so good. Why waste it?" He asked. When I was sixteen I asked mom if I could start taking guitar lessons again. They were just starting to launch Drew's career and mom said no. She didn't even try to come up with a reason that wouldn't sound so bad when she said no.

"Hey mom. Can I talk to you about something?" I asked while I sat at the kitchen counter. Mom was making dinner and I'd already finished my homework with my tutor at school.

"Sure, honey." She answered. She slid a block of parmesan cheese and a grater over to me. I automatically picked the two things up and began to grate cheese.

"I was wondering if maybe I could start taking guitar lessons again. I just...I miss it." I said quietly and nervously, feeling my palms sweat a little. I readjusted the cheese in my hand so I wouldn't sweat on it because that would be gross.

"Rosie, now really isn't a good time. Drew's career is just starting to take off and I don't want anything to distract from that." Mom replied gently, giving me a sympathetic look before turning around to go adjust something on the stove.

"But last summer when I asked and you said I could take lessons if I got good grades this year I could. I got all A's! I mean, there were a few A-'s, but still!" I said back, trying not to get upset. Yelling and getting angry with my mother never works.

"I know and I'm very proud of you." She responded quietly, not turning around but glancing over her shoulder at me.

"But?" I asked, some bitterness seeping through my voice.

"But now really isn't a good time." She repeated in a tone that made it clear she was done talking about it.

"That's not fair! I worked really hard to all year so I could start again!" I cried in outrage. So much for staying calm. She whipped around and gave me a look I knew meant bad things were about to happen. Before I could even apologize for getting upset she was around the counter and standing in front of me. She grabbed my wrist and jerked me so I was forced to look at her.

"Rosaline Daily, you stop it right now! We have all given up so much for you. Between your dyslexia and anxiety Drew has never gotten half the attention you have. He should resent you for it! Do something a little selfless for once. The last ten years have been about you, it's your brother's turn now. Don't do this to him. He's worked hard and he actually knows what he wants in life. That's a lot more than I can say for you. You've gotten good grades, and when the time comes, we'll put you up in a nice college and that's where you'll stay. But don't ask me for anything else. That's all I'm offering." She spat at me, yanking on my wrist again. "Do you hear me?" I nodded back slightly without meeting her eyes. She let go of my wrist and walked back around the counter. I pushed the cheese and the grater across the counter and climbed down from my barstool and stalked back to my room, dragging my feet and wiping tears off my cheeks.

I shook my head to rid my mind of the memory. That's where I get stuck because yes, I want to turn it into a song and play it for a record label and do all of that. Being here with Drew on his tour makes me realize that doing that is my dream, or at least something like it. Maybe I don't need the lights and the choreography and the huge production, but that's not what makes me want this. Seeing how people respond to Drew's music and to Throw Down's music and how much they love it is what makes me feel like it's something I need to be a part of. I think about how much some of Throw Down's music affects me and how it makes me feel and I want to be able to do that for someone else.