So Human

guilt

Today, a friend told me that she wouldn't be in school tomorrow,

because she had to go to her cousin's funeral.

He had committed suicide, and it had destroyed her family.

Stories like this one, from people who mean so much to me,

make me feel helpless inside.

because I feel like I have no way out,

no hope for relief of my pain.

I love my people too much,

to leave them with so much grief.

but when I save them, I drag myself down.

I have no reason for this, no reason for life.

I don't look forward to my first kiss,

my college degree, my first child.

I look forward to the day I die.

To the day where I can be relieved of this burden

without feeling guilty of the people I'd leave behind.