Anguish ➸ Cedric Diggory

Chapter 9

Confusing feelings

{9}

I couldn't concentrate. My usual solid focus was failing me.

After the second task and our little talk, Cedric realized that I probably needed space. And that's what he did, gave me space.

I felt so torn. I was in love with him, but it scared me so much that my love for him ran so deep in my veins. Another thing was that there was no textbook, no lecture, nothing that could tell me how to deal with my feelings.

Everyday I tell myself that my problems are minuscule, and that I should be glad that I love someone this much. And that this is my only big problem. I don't even know why I put myself in this mess, my stupid feelings made me act irrational and dumb. And now I'm afraid I've hurt Cedric's feelings.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when someone slams their books in front of me.

"Look, I have no idea what is happening with you. However, I can't deal with the fact that you zone out so much that your potions notes are so messy I can't tell what they're saying"

Angela, one of my close friends. Maybe she could help me? Maybe not... After all, her and George are kind of on the rocks for now.

"Sorry, I'll fix them" I say tiredly, and reach for the notes. But she pulls them away. "You really think that's the only reason I came over here?" I narrow my eyes "what" my tone bored and borderline angry.

"Look, you're one of my best friends. I can tell when something's happening. And I have a feeling I know what it is. What happened between you and Cedric?"

My eyes wander over to where he sat, with his friends. For the time I have been sitting here, I could feel his gaze on me. Now he quickly diverted his eyes back to one of his friend once he realized I was looking at him.

"It's complicated. And it's all my fault. It's such a stupid reason also, I just always have to go and mess everything up" I sigh "I'm so stupid, I'm like one of those helpless girls in those dumb romance novels. Always messing up a perfect situation"

Angela raises an eyebrow "I'm sure it's not that bad, but you're going to have to give some details"

I burry my face in my hands, and shake my head "I'm not sure I can"

Angela reaches out a hand, and takes my cold one in her warm one. "Soph, you're pretty smart with words. I'm sure you can do it"

I give her a small smile "I just realized how much I love him. And it scares me how quick it has been, how fast it's moving It just makes me overwhelmed at how strong my emotions can be, you know?"

Angela looked lost, but she was trying her best to understand. "Maybe it's because you've never loved someone before?" I shake my head "no, there's my parents, the twins, and you. I love you guys."

"No, I mean romantically. He is your first boyfriend. Your first love. And I know that can provoke many emotions" she gives me a reassuring smile "the things you're feeling, it's good. That means you care, you care a lot about him"

She hands me the potions notes. "Don't push him away because you're scared. Keep him close, he really cares about you"

She gets up and walks away, leaving me biting the inside of my cheek. A lump in my throat. Maybe she's right. What am I saying, of course she's right.