The Heart Wants What it Wants

Following my heart

           

Someone knocked on the door and then entered. I was too busy crying to hear anything. They sat down on my bed and started to rub my back. I wiped my eyes and looked up. The person I didn't want to see was sitting there.

"Go away." I said even though it was muffled from my pillow.

"No. We have to talk about this. Or more like I have something to say." I stayed silent and let him talk.

"If I knew you were feeling that way I would've come sooner. I'm sorry that you felt that way. Everyday away from you made my heart hurt. I missed my best friend who I could tell everything to. I wanted to pick up the phone and call every day, but I got busy with making albums and touring. I'm back now though and I'm determined to do whatever it takes to get you back." He continued to rub my back and I had to admit it felt good. I sat up and wiped my remaining tears away before saying "it's too late Justin. I've moved on and I can't do this anymore. I was in pain and even yesterday my heart hurt. All I wanted to do was yell and scream at you for being away for so long. But then you didn't even recognize me when I walked in. I thought if you didn't recognize me then I could move on still and not have to think about you."

"Olive please. Give me one more chance."

"No. You're going to leave here whenever you go and you'll forget about me again. I can't go through all the crying again and all the waiting. Hoping that you would come back. I can't."  He pulled me in for a hug and then when I pulled away he said "I'm going to take you away from all this and have you by my side. If you feel like crying I will be there to wipe away the tears. Our hearts will be happy being together. I'll come back I promise." I shook my head and couldn't believe any of this.

"I have a job Justin. I can't just leave." I got up to go and wash my face since I had to appear downstairs soon to explain. He followed me to the bathroom and leaned on the doorway. I washed my tears away and then wiped my face. I still had the marks of tears on my face, but at least I looked a little better. I walked past him and down the stairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a plate and put some food on it before heading to the island to sit and eat. Justin following me around like I was a lost puppy.

"Go away. I really can't do this anymore. The memories were enough for me to remember that we had a good time back then. You broke your promise Justin. Now I'm living my life without you in it." I grabbed a fork and napkin and then sat down. I tried to ignore his presence as best as I could. When my parents and Justin's walked in the room it all went silent. They looked at both of us and then at each other before walking back out. I finished whatever was on my plate and then put it in the sink. I walked back out and when I had enough of Justin following me I turned around.

"Please go home. We'll go back to the way it was before. You not talking to me and me wondering where did my best friend go? The boy who made me promise him that I would still be here when he came back. I loved you back then and I still love you now, but my heart and head need time to think and time to really decide what we want to do."

"You never agreed to that promise though. I saw it in your eyes though that you would still be here when I came back. Remember we didn't need words spoken to know what each of us was thinking." I nodded my head and looked him in the eyes. What I saw was a lot of emotions. Love, hurt, sadness, happiness, and worst of all hope.

"Go back to California Justin. I need time."

"I'll give you all the time you need." He kissed my forehead and then left. What just happened there?

          The next day came around and I just decided that I would stay home and do work. I camped out on our dining room table with my laptop and spreadsheets all spread out. I got into editing mode and didn't hear my parents going in and out of the house. This edition was due on Monday and the printers needed it by Friday. It was Wednesday. I was getting very nervous. I read through everyone's pieces and them emailed the one's that needed to fix their articles or the people that needed more information in their articles. I then came across the article on the Justin Bieber concert. I let out a sigh and leaned back. I pinched the bridge of my nose and thought if I went back to him then I would be admitting my feelings to him. If I didn't go back to him, I would have this feeling in my heart like I did something wrong by not following the person I love. Do I follow my heart and go to California after him or do I stay here and keep doing what I'm doing? For right now my job came first. I read through the article and liked this person's points on Justin and then the facts were all correct, so I okayed it and then went onto the next article.

          By the end of the day the newspaper was almost ready for print. I just had to wait on the new articles and then reread them and if they were good they would go in this edition and if they weren't good then they would go in the next edition. I got up and stretched and then went in search of my mom and dad. I found them in the living room cuddling on the couch. I wanted what my parents had. Justin and I could have that if I was willing to open my heart again. I took my laptop and all my papers up to my room and then laid them on my desk. I then went over to my window and looked out at the street. My neighbor was letting his dog out and then there were kids walking up and down the street. All in all, it was a peaceful night.

          I decided I would go out and see if Ava wanted to get that coffee tonight and catch up. I walked down to the coffee store and entered it. The smell of coffee hit me rather hard and I loved it. I saw Ava behind the counter and I smiled. I walked up to her and waited until it was my turn.

"Hi Ava!"

"Olive hi!"

"I was wondering if you wanted to get that coffee with me now and catch up."

"Actually I go on break in five minutes. I'll bring your coffee over and then we can sit and chat." I nodded my head and then went to find a seat. I never realized how much I loved this town and how much I didn't appreciate it until I went away and then came back. This is where I learned so many things about life and where I had my first love and where all my friends were. I sighed and looked out the window. I guess I had day dreamed and zoned out since I jumped when a coffee cup was placed in front of me. Ava sat in the seat across from me.

"So how have you been Olive?"

"I'm good. Just been busy working."

"What are you doing these days?"

"I'm the editor to a paper back in Toronto."

"I always knew you would end up writing. You always did love journalism."

"I did love it back then didn't I?"

"Yeah you did. So I saw you and Justin leave together last night."

"Yeah his parents were over at my house."

"So are you guys together?"

"No we aren't. I just can't let myself get hurt again. He made me promise all those years ago to wait and I waited. He never came back, so I moved on."

"What does your heart say?"

"It wants me to go back and love him, but I don't want to get hurt again."

"How would you know you would get hurt again if you didn't try and open up your heart to love again?"

"I really do love him don't I?"

"You have that glow like you are in love. I had that with Cody. He's the love of my life. Always has been."

"So I should go after him?"

"Yes girl! Go to California and get your man!" I jumped up and hugged her and then ran out of there. Remembering I didn't pay I ran back for Ava to shoo me away. I smiled and ran back home. My parents thought that I was a lunatic.

"I'm going to California!" I announced. I grabbed all of my stuff and put them back in my duffle before going back downstairs.

"Is it Justin?" I nodded my head. I was too excited to say anything.

"Baby are you sure?"

"Yes. I won't know if he'll hurt me again if I don't try."

"I love you Olive. Go after your heart." I hugged my parents and then went outside to where my taxi was waiting. I told him the airport and then I was off to California.