Law Of Attraction - Story Of My Life!!!

love life problem? done.

Heyy senoritas,
It's me again. I am on a trek right now and sitting up among the mountains. It's so serene and quite here..far far away from the daily life. A place where you don't think about the next thing you have to do. I am lying below a tree and love the way the sun sparkles once in a while among the dense cloud of leaves. It was difficult to climb up there and all throughout the way I kept thinking why did I even sign up for it but once I reached there and had my breath together ,I realized that it was all worth it, that pain in my toes, cramps in my stomach, sweat on my head and tan on my body was all so worth it. I relaxed and cleared my head and decided to share a recent life Event that might help someone out there.

Remember i told you guys about my EX- the one i was in relationship for more than 4 years? Well, after two years of break up he suddenly realized that I am the one for him, that he was wrong all the while and he loves me and wants to marry me. He has been calling me regularly for past 4 days and all his friends as well, telling me how he has suffered just like me and deserve a second chance.
My reaction?
Straight NO.
You ask why ?
Honestly, I do love him and a part of me will always love him but do I want him back ? NO.
I can't be with a guy I cannot trust. I can't be with a guy who is not responsible enough to take care of me, I can't be with a guy who once left me and let me cry myself to sleep for months at stretch. I might not be the best person in this world but I sure as hell atleast deserve someone who could love me. I don't ask for more, I have never asked for more than that. I don't demand expensive gifts or regular trips- all I ever asked was his time and his attention which apparently was too much for him. I loved him with every particle in my body but I can't be selfish. I can't marry a man just because I am ready to adjust with whatever he says and thereby force my kids to have a father who will not give a damn. I can adjust with being alone all my life or being a single mother or being with someone I don't love but I will never let my kids suffer because I was blind in love.
He says he cannot live without me and that he wants to give me commitment but seriously who wants that now. It's too late and his words don't mean anything to me anymore. I respect my love for him but I respect myself enough to not go back.

Many times I have noticed that people go back to their exes in the hope of rekindling the old flame but sweetheart a rope once broken can't be fixed like before. It will never be same, you'll never be same. What's the guarantee that he has changed ? Will you believe his words his tears? Will you trust him with your life and your kids life ? Is he worth all the sufferings?
Feelings are very fragile glass to play with and no one ...I repeat...no one should play with them. Realize your importance, you are precious and deserve someone who knows your worth and loves you in the way you deserve to be loved, the one who cherish your presence in his/her life and makes sure that you know you are special. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally and not someone who will love you at his comfort.

He told me that he cried as much as I did all those years and he'll do whatever i ask him to. He told me he'll make everything right and cherish me forever. He told me i am the best selfless gf anyone can ever have and all this while he had been thinking that I'll wait for him(which I kinda did for a long time) but now he feels that he has lost me and wants me back and is ready to do anything for me.

I don't know why and how I had the courage to say NO inspite of not being able to see him cry at all. I was the girl who loved him like a baby, made him feel special on every single day, did whatever he asked me to and was ready to adjust as he wanted me too. I loved him with everything in me, I loved him in ways i never thought I could love someone. I didn't ask for anything in return. I fell in love with him when I was 19 and didn't know how to love a man, I loved him when he didn't return my calls, I loved him when he cancelled plans on me, i loved him when he forgot to wish me birthdays for four years because he was busy, i loved him when he was nothing and was in depression, I loved him when I drunk called him and he told me that he was sleepy and doesn't want to talk, I loved him when he decided that he doesn't want me anymore, I loved him when I cried myself to sleep for months at stretch and i still love him when he wants me back but now something in me has changed and I don't want him.

It took me lot of time to love myself back after he left me, it took me months to realize it was not my fault and that I am lovable and someday someone might find me worth all the trouble. I built myself step by step, day by day. And can't live in the fear of being left broken again. I can't give him the power to destroy me again. I can't give him power to make me question my self worth. I can't give him power to make me feel that my identity was through him and that people liked me because of him when it was the other way around (it took a while to figure that out when I met my college friends again and they told me that they accepted him because he was with me).

I have moved on, I have become a better stronger person and I have found friends who spoil me like a little brat, I have found people who have made me realize that there is so much more to life than a guy. Finally I have realized that he was a part of my life and not my life. I hope he achieves all the materialistic goals he has in life so that he realizes that life is not about things, it's about people and the relationships. Money, fame, clothes, position everything is replaceable but people are not. Success is nothing if you don't have people to enjoy it with.

This view, this place, this trek would have been nothing except excruciating body pain if I didn't have people I can enjoy it with. I consider myself lucky and blessed to have plenty of people to support me- my family, my friends, my bestfriends. I know someday I'll find my someone who'll love me in my most stupid phase and in my strongest phase. Someone who'll let me make mistakes and still find me adorable, someone who'll be my pillar of strength and my best friend, someone who'll not try to make me feel jealous of other women but someone who'll be proud of me and we all deserve that person. Let's not compromise for we are scared that we might not love again or we might regret not being with that person. Let's be strong and work on ourselves and be the best gf/best bf that special someone deserves to have.

I hope before you decide to get back to that person, you know what you deserve and I hope this time you will not compromise.

Lots of Love to you guys. And keep telling me how's everything in your life. Always there for you.