The Silver Crown

27.

My days took on a pattern. I woke up and dined in my room with my maids. Thank the goddess I didn't have to sit through any more family breakfasts. It only took four days to convince the maids that they could actually sit down and eat with me. It took three more days for them finally only refer to me as Kade.

Then I would dress, with minimal help from my maids, who must have been the luckiest maids in the castle because I pretty much had them do nothing. I would then be escorted to my morning lesson by two of my three guards, since they began a rotation schedule after the first week.

My morning lesson was taught by Sir Charles of Midglenn, an old greying man who knew a great deal and could have been interesting if he didn't insist on only talking haltingly in the most monotone of voices.

I typically had lunch with Daivon and Marek, and we always seemed to have interesting discussions. Daivon was not shy about asking about my street days or what I remembered from my princess days—I always said nothing, afraid that if I pretended to remember something it would give the whole charade away. Marek was less outspoken and seemed afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing even though he was among friends.

My afternoon lessons were more exciting. Maisa, the high priestess, was staying in the castle just so she could help me adjust back to palace life and teach me what she thought I needed to know. I figured it was a favor to the queen, as they had grown up together and were still strong friends.

However, two weeks after Miri had died, I walked into the library, where Maisa had wanted to meet that day, to find her seated at a table with multiple books open in front of her. I approached slowly, the plain blue dress I was wearing swishing around my ankles. I had a deal worked out with my maids that I would wear dresses half the time. I made no such promise about shoes though. The blue shoes that went with the dress had been abandoned before lunch and the blisters on my feet never seemed to go away.

"Alyssandra," Maisa began. She never called me anything else. I took a seat. The priestess was always somewhat distant but today seemed different.

She looked me up and down slowly and I tried not to fidget. "I am sure that you have wondered why I agreed to stay in the palace and teach you."

I nodded. Maisa didn't stop studying me.

"You have blue eyes, black hair and are the right age." I jerked a little at the sudden change in conversation. Maisa continued, "Anything else that is slightly different can be blamed on the age difference or from the difficulty of living moneyless on the streets."

"For example, your nose looks very different but it is obvious it has been broken. That can do wonders to the shape of the face and overall appearance. Also, you were very young when you were kidnapped and still had the chubby cheeks of a young child. Therefore, as your esteemed mother knew, the only way to be certain was to test the claim with the goddess's magic. Which I did."

My heart was beating so loudly that I was surprised Maisa couldn't hear it. My fingers instinctively found the metal bracelet on my wrist. Had she discovered me?

"But something does not feel right, my dear. Something about this, despite the magic, feels off. And I am not one to doubt the goddess's power. So I asked to stay in the palace and teach you so that I could discover where the doubt in my mind came from."

I waited, terrified, for her to continue, absently fingering the bracelet on my wrist, but she looked back at the books in front of her and stayed silent. I sat as still as I could and glanced at the books she was searching. One was the queen's family tree, another was a book of portraits, including a portrait of me at about five years of age.

"In the past two weeks, I have come no closer to discovering the source of my uncertainty," She began again. "You are a fine example of a human being, you are not taking advantage of your new status, you are friendly and good natured. Your attendants have nothing but good to say about you and the disruptions you do cause are appropriate. They cause people to think about the way they define women and the roles that they falsely associate with each gender.

"I can only say that you returning to the palace as a new person is beneficial in this time when the One God's influence continues to grow. Yet, I cannot shake the sense that everything is not as it seems."

I stared at Maisa, uncertain how to respond to the accusation that something was wrong coupled with a few very nice compliments.

"What I am trying to get across to you and failing to do so," Maisa began, smiling kindly, "is that I think you will be an excellent ruler despite my misgivings at the start."

I blushed, which was a new concept for me. I had lived a life without flattery and without compliments for so long, a life of fighting to survive, that the thrill I received from the words of the High Priestess surprised me. I had not realized that words could affect me so strongly.

"Thank you, High Priestess," I replied, more grateful than she realized that she hadn't discovered the truth of me.

She inclined her head to acknowledge my thanks and pushed a book towards me. It was not many pages and was not thick or well used. Maisa had been teaching me my letters in the past week and I had learned how to write my name, well, to write Alyssandra, which was not my name. Alyssandra was a stranger, a character I had to play. Like a young girl with short black hair and a yellow dress and a pink hair ribbon who had never known the struggle of life. Even though everyone knew Alyssandra as me, she was not me and I was not her.

Alyssandra was such a long word, such a difficult word to write. Kade. Kade was one syllable and it was practical and tough. Kade could handle what Alyssandra could not. However, I did not have much of a choice. My guards, my maids, my brother and my cousins called me Kade because I had begged them, but Kade couldn't be my name anymore. I had to be Alyssandra, at least for a little while longer.

I had to write my name like I had been writing it all my life. I had to respond to Alyssandra the same way I responded to Kade. And today, today Maisa was going to make me read a book for the first time because Alyssandra could read and had been able to read well even at a young age.

"Read the title of the book," Maisa ordered.

I sighed, flipped the book around and peered at the letters on the front. Taking a deep breath I began to sound out the words in my head, settling in for a rough afternoon.

~

My suppers were either taken with my family or with Brinian when he had the time or alone. If the monarchs had to dine with ambassadors or with the lord of this or that house or have feasts, then I was not invited and Brinian was invited. Those were the nights I dined alone in the kitchen and talked to the scullery maids and serving boys and Brom.

"Soon," Queen Dionisa would say. "Soon we will let the people know that our daughter has returned to us and you will be invited to state dinners and feasts and balls." So far only my guards, Brinian and my relatives knew who I really was—or who I was pretending to be. And that was fine with me. Everyone else in the castle had just been told that I was an old friend of Arabelle's.

I had learned to smile at the queen when she spoke of the future, but it didn't get any easier.

I would spend my evenings in my room, mostly gazing out the window. My room was on the side of the castle that faced theRoyal Forest. As such, it hadn't taken me long to find a corner tower that had stair to the roof. I was able to perch on the edge of palace roof and look at my city. I was grateful that I could look down at the dusty city and be reminded of the reason that I hated these royals, a reminder that I desperately needed as the company of many of my new companions was growing on me.