The Silver Crown

42.

An hour after the kiss, I was not so giddy and happy. My emotions instead could have been described as anxious fear, anticipation, confusion and even some hate.

What would tomorrow bring? If everything went according to plan, I would see Tobin tomorrow. He must believe that I've abandoned him.

But not only would I see Tobin, I would be destroying the people who had taken me in a treated me like family. I would be betraying Brinian. I had made a vow to do my part in aiding the priests in bringing Arovia to its knees to save Tobin. Doing so meant that I had to betray the royal family. At first I hadn't cared. I had relished the idea. I had reveled in imagining bringing privileged snobs low. But now they were people who had begun to love me. And worst of all, I had begun to love them.

Could I ask Peter and Dionisa, father and mother, to rescue Tobin for me? I imagined what it would be like to beg the king of Arovia to save a mere street boy. Not even that, but how would they see me if I told them the truth? If I told them that I had lied over and over and over again?

If I didn't get the royal family into my sitting room by the right time, they would kill Tobin. Even I could ask the king and queen to save my brother, they couldn't do it in less than a day. He would die.

Yet, could I really stand there silently and watch as my new family was stripped of their weapons, their wrists shackled together, their faces shining with the knowledge of my betrayal?

Tobin's face, tears dripping down his cheeks as he cried himself to sleep because his stomach was empty. Miri's face, blood gathered at the corner of her mouth as she died. Pictures of slaves, newly shipped in. Images of children starving on the streets. Each image flashed before my eyes, replacing the one of the royal family.

I reached over to the stand next to my bed and gulped down the glass of water. Still thirsty, I walked to the pitcher across the room. There wasn't any water left in there either.

I knocked on the door that I knew Daria slept behind; she was the only one of my attendants who insisted on being near by during the night.

"Milady?" She asked a moment later, opening the door.

"Daria, I am all out of water. Fetch some from the kitchen, would you?" I said, lifting the pitcher in my hand so she could see that it was empty.

"Of course. Right away, Lady Kade." Daria took the pitcher and hurried out into the corridor. I sat back in one of the cushioned chairs and waited impatiently for her return.

When Daria entered the room again, I took the pitcher from her immediately. "Thank you. That is all."

Daria curtsied and went back to her room. Before she closed the door, she looked at me and said, "Lady Kade, I want to thank you again for what you are going to teach Niva and I tomorrow."

I nodded gruffly and she closed the door. I took a long sip of water. Then I realized what I had just done. I choked on the water. What was I becoming?

Only three moons ago I had been complaining to Miri about the privileged rich, about how things needed to change. Yet, I had become just as bad. I was becoming the kind of person that I had used to despise. When I had lived on the streets, when I had fought for every morsel of food, when I had seen the lines and lines of shackled men, women and children being marched down the docks and into pens with conditions where most wouldn't keep their goats or pigs, I had seen clearly what needed to change. Then I had been drawn into politics and insurrection and I had found people that I had started to care about. Had my thoughts changed just because suddenly I was one of the wealthy and I had started to care for some of the wealthy?