Innocent Love

"Where do broken hearts go?"

Harry's Point of View

You know the sinking feeling you have when you know that something is wrong. Like you can't exactly pinpoint what it is but it's there on the back of your mind, eating your thought away until all you can think of is that something bad is going to happen. This was happening to me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I have this gut feeling that something bad is going to happen. As I was pondering upon that thought, I hear a knock at my door.  When I open the door, I see that my adorable Louis was waiting outside, looking upset. I give him my biggest smile to try to cheer him up, which is not hard at all because I'm always the happiest with Louis. I notice that Louis has yet to smile back, which is really weird because he is the happiest lad I know, so I give him a questioning look. I then hear him take a deep breath, looking even more upset, and squeak out "I can't do this." It was barely audible, but I can heard it as clear as day. 

Oh, so this is what my gut feeling was warning me about. I can already guess what this is about. Louis, looking as if he is going to cry any second, plus him saying what he just did, anyone can guess that this is a breakup. No, I tell myself. Louis has no reason to break up with me, we are as happy as one can be. Maybe this is a joke. Or maybe he does not want to... I don't know... stay in his hotel room by himself. He probably feels lonely by himself, since the management prohibited us from sharing rooms. He probably just wants to sneaks into my room and cuddle, ya that must be it. Or maybe he DOES want to break up with me. No I gotta stop thinking. Stop! Stop thinking! You're overthinking, over analyzing, I reassure myself. So I do what anyone who refuse to accept the truth does, I run away from it, act like I don't know what he's talking about. So I reply "What?".   "I can't do this." Louis repeats a bit louder. I keep my act of being oblivious and ask "Do what?". Louis replys, further explaining his last statement, "This. Our relationship. I love you so much that I'm willing to hate you". "Huh?" Okay, what? Louis loves me, but he hates me? If he loves me, then why does he hate me? I no longer know what's going on. What is Louis talking about. My mind is so confused, racing a mile a minute, trying to process everything.  "You don't have to hate me. Why are to talking about hating me?"

  "Look, we cannot be together. You know that, I know that, the boys know that, and those fucking modest won't let us forget that. Well I can't do this anymore. I am too tired to fuss around with you and your immaturity. People are starting to talk about it and I hate it." I'm speechless, stunned. My mind has given up on trying to process this all. My mind does not want to try to process this all. I can feel my eyes slowly watering, tears threatening to fall. No, I cannot cry. I'm not a baby anymore, I cannot cry my way out. Louis already thinks that I'm immature, and this will only further prove his point. 

 "What about 'we will always be together' and 'being soul mates' and 'making it to the end?'" I barely finish before Louis starts speaking again. He sound like he had practiced exactly what to say beforehand.
"I don't believe in that shit anymore. Harry, that was 3 years ago. I was 18 and you were still 16. It's time for us to grow us and stop fooling around." Now, I feel myself getting mad, after all we've been through, did he think it was just us fooling around. "All this time, did you think it was all just 'fooling around?'". Then, realize something. Louis doesn't look happy about breaking with me either. Louis look just as bad as I feel or even worse. He does not want this either. Of course, it must be the fucking management. Our love must be inconvenient to them. We must be on the way of them making more money than they already have. 

"Or is this about the management again? Are they forcing you to say this shit? I swear I will fucking kill modest. Those bastards that can't think of anything expect money", I voice my thought. "No. This has nothing to to with modest. This is all me. I'm just sick and tired of this. Of you. Can we just let it go and act like this never happened? I don't like you anymore. I'm actually starting to like Eleanor more than you. I hope you find someone else you can be happy with too. Bye Harry." With that the love of my life walks away. Even though I know it must be those fucking management behind all this shit, hearing Louis say those words breaks my heart. The tears that were threatening to fall before reappears, faster and with more force. And before I know it, I'm full on crying, sobbing hard, helplessly begging Louis to stay. 

Even after Louis has already left, I stand at my door, staring at the direction that Louis left, hoping, praying that Louis would come running back, telling me it was a joke, or something management forced him to do. And then, we would hug, kiss, and formulate a plan to get rid of the management. But that obviously did not happen. So, I  just stand there, staring aimlessly, with tears in my eyes. The conversation repeats over and over again in my mind. Each time, its gets worse. And I can feel more and more tears coming to surface. After I finally realize that Louis is not returning, I slowly head back to my room. I don't have any energy left. Not only did Louis take my heart, my being, my love with him, he also took my reason and energy. I don't have any motivation with me. I fall into my bed, the conversation still repeating over and over again.

After my tears run out, anger soon replaces it. I first feel angry towards Louis. I grab the pillow that's behind me and throw it aimlessly, with all my force, at somewhere in front if me. I soon realize that I threw it at the small table in front of the bed when I hear a crashing sound. It must be a glass coming into contact with the ground, shattering into millions of pieces, just like my heart. My first reaction is to cringe at the sound, but I realize that hearing something break makes you feel better. Louis broke my heart into million pieces and I broke that glass into million pieces. It somehow made me feel better, made me feel as if I was more in control. I felt a bit calmer. And then the whole scenario repeated again for the millionth time. And I realized that the Louis who broke up with me was not the Louis I loved, and trusted, and spent my 3 years with. And I choose to believe the Louis that I know, not this Louis, who seems strained and controlled. And until I speak with the Louis I know and love, I will not believe any of this. There must be an explanation to all of this shit I reassure myself. My last thoughts before drifting into sleep are ways of confronting Louis about all this and getting him back.